TAMU Student Finds Purpose in Belittling Blinn Students
Every year, new freshmen come to College Station to attend Texas A&M. Often, they have friends who end up in the desolate wasteland of Bryan, at the institution colloquially know as “Blinndergarten.” “I want to preface this by saying I am extremely smart,” said Ben Novak, freshman communication major,... Read more
Ghost Hunters Come to TAMU in Search of the Spirit of Aggieland
“World-renowned” experts of the paranormal Robert Borden and Mason Kleinfeld are visiting Texas A&M University for an indeterminate amount of time to lead the search for the Spirit of Aggieland. Borden and Kleinfeld are co-creators of Hillbillies and Hauntings, a company that “seeks to be valiant on every vanguard... Read more
Millennials Kill New Army
Early on Friday morning, President Michael K. Young, Chancellor John Sharp, and Student Body President Bobby Brooks held a joint press conference to announce the death of New Army. For years, former students and upperclassmen alike have mourned the death of Old Army, including the bygone days of hazing,... Read more
Baylor Senior Notices Aggie Friend Also Received ‘Class Ring’
Chad Bucko, a senior philosophy major at Baylor University, visited home over the past weekend. Like the football team, Bucko decided not to make the trip out to Kansas State. Bucko made plans to meet with his high school friend, Texas A&M senior finance major Phil Gutry, back at... Read more
Student Convicted of Thoughtcrime for Opinion on Campus Life
Last Wednesday, senior journalism major Winston Smith was convicted for his Thoughtcrime. Smith was reported to the Ministry of Tradition after his roommate overheard him agreeing with his father—a former student—and his thoughts on a current issue on campus. The opinion that Smith shared with his father was not... Read more
Two-Percenters Protest Being Dragged to Games By Sitting During War Hymn
Having been pressured into standing another four hours to watch a middling football program struggle through conference play, hundreds of two-percenters silently sat in protest during the War Hymn at Kyle Field Saturday evening. The protest was reportedly a response to calls from the university’s administration, Old Army, and... Read more
Students Dunk Rings in Massive Piles of Cocaine
For decades, students at Texas A&M have been participating in ring dunks. The way a ring dunk looks has evolved over the years, but the spirit behind the tradition has remained the same. These days, most students opt to dunk their ring from the bottom of a giant pile... Read more
A&M Students Revive Old Army with “Extreme Traditions”
Aggies have proudly kept Texas A&M’s fun and strange traditions alive for decades.  However, the campus has undergone many changes over the years, with the acceptance of women, non-regs, and the opening of a Starbucks inside the Corps of Cadets Quad. In response to the changes, a few of... Read more
Secret Police to Enforce Campus Traditions
A lack of effort from the 12th Man during football games has led the Student Government Association to develop a method of correcting the student body’s behavior. They have created Committee on Campus Security to enforce and protect the traditions of Texas A&M. Known as the KKB, the group... Read more
Aggie Traditions Explained by Freshman, Senior
When freshman are asked why they attended Texas A&M, the easy answer that nearly every single one will tell you is “the traditions!” Now that the class of 2016 is about to walk across the stage and join the legions of former students, let’s see just how their passion... Read more