GroupMe App Announces Shutdown, Student Organizations Follow
No Smartphone app has done more to increase communication, productivity, and data overage charges than GroupMe, the multi-person messaging app widely used among college students. However, in a recent press release, GroupMe announced that the application will soon shut down. Following this announcement, faculty and staff of the Texas... Read more
A&M Drops Alcohol Education, Deemed Parent’s Responsibility
In response to questions about the university’s responsibility in alcohol education, Texas A&M announced in an email Tuesday that alcohol education will cease to be a part of Fish Camp and New Student Conferences. Many have argued that informing students of the dangers of alcohol and demonstrating responsible consumption... Read more
Spring Break Increases Student Diversity
The university once again took advantage of spring break before announcing its ethnic and epidermic diversity statistics. Photos of many sorority and fraternity members on their beach vacations provided the perfect proof for A&M’s new diversity campaign. Relying on a somewhat archaic method of rating diversity on slight variations in... Read more
Ban the Banners

It’s time to rethink banner-holding.

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University to STEM the Flow of Gender Inequality
Since the Industrial Revolution, Science, Technology, Engineering and Math (otherwise known as “STEM”) have been fields almost exclusively dominated by men. Unfortunately, there has been a recent push to insert women into STEM environments. Not wanting to be outdone, “FACE” majors have now been targeted as needing a more... Read more
Sexas A&M, Home of the Twelfth Moan
Well, we hope you are proud of yourselves, you depraved collection of inglorious nymphomaniacs. Our intern quit after losing all hope in humanity from reading the depths of degeneracy on campus.  Enjoy your own deplorable display of bizarre deviance in the dorms. With that, there is only one more thing... Read more
Racism Doesn’t Exist Anymore, Claims Asshole
Bryan Salinger, a local idiot, believes that racism is a thing of the past. “No one is really racist anymore,” Salinger said, surprising this reporter by having the brain capacity to speak. “Sure there’s been some controversy or whatever recently, police shooting people or something. But those guys were... Read more
Star Wars Episode XII: The Empire Sharps Back
Don’t worry, there are no The Force Awakens spoilers ahead! We promise! We’re not that mean.Star Wars Episode XII: The Empire Sharps Back   Cast of Characters   Chancellor Palpetine → Emperor Sharp “Yes, yes. Let the hate flow through you.” “I can feel your anger. It gives you... Read more
The Effort/Grade Line: Is Your Class Worth It?
  -5k for Yell Read more
Utopia Realized Once All Students Armed
In accordance with a decision by the Texas Legislature, concealed carry has become universally accepted at Texas A&M University, ushering in a golden age of safety and prosperity. Once it was wisely pointed out that guns actually save lives and are not tools designed for the express purpose of... Read more