McDonald’s to Start Serving Vehicles Waiting to Cross George Bush
Starting next week, the McDonald’s located at the intersection of George Bush Drive and Wellborn Road will begin taking orders from vehicles waiting at the stoplight. Branch manager Nancy “Hotsauce” Jones was available to explain the thought process behind their decision. “We already provide overflow parking for football games,... Read more
More Engineering Fish Must Flunk
The Mugdown continues a rich tradition of satirical publications at Texas A&M. Cushing Library and Archive houses copies of satirical publications produced by students from as early as 1916. The article below is reprinted from an issue of “THE BUTTALION,” released on April Fool’s Day in 1957. Sixty years... Read more
Opinion: Why Won’t People Let Me Help Them?
Why? Why would you not want a snickerdoodle? And it’s free, too. A free snickerdoodle! I mean, I understand if you are on your way to class, but it takes, like, one second to walk by our table and grab this free cookie. Okay, okay, maybe you don’t like... Read more
Animal Services Called After Engineering Student Spotted in WCL
Early Thursday morning, animal services officers responded to a call about a “deranged beast” loose in West Campus Library. Upon removal, non-business major bystanders identified the unknown creature as a lost engineering student. Business majors on the scene swore that to the reasonable spectator, there was no way of... Read more
Lousy Shirts Now Available to Match Lousy Event
With over 1,000 recognized organizations at A&M, students are having a hard time buying premium Comfort Colors shirts for everything their friends are involved in. If you are “totally broke” after spending $100 on Chilifest tickets, then Discomfort Colors is for you. The standard shirts are just $2 each... Read more
Blood-Drenched Alyssa Michalke Ascends from Steam Tunnels, Claims Bad Bull to be Dead
While the Corps carried out its regularly scheduled activities Monday morning, Corps Commander Alyssa Michalke had other plans. With morning formation complete and all cadets off the quad exercising, Michalke donned her boots, strapped on her saber, and told  her roommate that she was going to “carry out the... Read more
Christian Bubble Women’s Pageant Held at Wolf Pen Creek
With their formal fast approaching, the members of a certain Christian men’s organization (that asked to remain unnamed) have been scrambling to find the perfect dates. “It’s a complicated situation that rolls around every April,” says one junior member. “There are a lot of girls in the Christian Bubble,... Read more
Two-percenters Declare “Safe-Space” on Campus
In classic non-traditional format, the two-percenters on campus have voraciously declared a “safe-space” on campus for them to not practice any of A&M’s widely-permeating traditions. “We are tired of getting our feelings hurt by all of those outrageous traditions the majority of the student body participate in,” said a... Read more
Kyler Murray to Transfer to University of Phoenix Online
In a recent move that shocked much of Aggieland, Kyler Murray has announced his transfer to the nationally acclaimed online college, The University of Phoenix. According to sources close to the erstwhile starter, Murray has accepted a fantasy football scholarship offer. After the transfer, Murray will retain three years of NCAA eligibility. During his... Read more
‘Twas the Night Before Aggie Finals
This post originally appeared on: {forever chosen, actively choosing}  Thanks Bethany! #BTHOfinals ‘Twas the night before finals, and all through the college, All students refreshed their brains with their forgotten knowledge. The students were sleepy, but none touched their beds, While all of their classes blurred in their heads.... Read more