Freshman BIMS Major Diagnoses Friend and Saves His Life
Last week, a life was saved. Around 3:14 pm, sophomore Benny Harrington sneezed 3 times in a row in his Biology 111 class. After an unnecessary amount of “Bless you”s, local hero Todd Parsnip leaned over and changed Benny’s life forever. “You know that’s an early sign of conjunctivitis,... Read more
Chartwells Introduces New Feedback Program to Ignore Negative Reviews
Every day, over 50,000 students attend classes at Texas A&M University. With such a large student body, the university trusts only one catering service to provide nutrition to their students: Chartwells. The factor that truly sets Chartwells apart from the competition, aside from their promise “to nourish the bodies,... Read more
Students Upset University Working Second Job at Hotel to Provide for Them
One topic has completely dominated the discourse of the student body this semester. Texas A&M, a hardworking university, decided to get a second job to provide for its students. Students have become irate at their university’s decision even though the school is just trying to help provide for their... Read more
Baylor Senior Notices Aggie Friend Also Received ‘Class Ring’
Chad Bucko, a senior philosophy major at Baylor University, visited home over the past weekend. Like the football team, Bucko decided not to make the trip out to Kansas State. Bucko made plans to meet with his high school friend, Texas A&M senior finance major Phil Gutry, back at... Read more
Student Convicted of Thoughtcrime for Opinion on Campus Life
Last Wednesday, senior journalism major Winston Smith was convicted for his Thoughtcrime. Smith was reported to the Ministry of Tradition after his roommate overheard him agreeing with his father—a former student—and his thoughts on a current issue on campus. The opinion that Smith shared with his father was not... Read more
Two-Percenters Protest Being Dragged to Games By Sitting During War Hymn
Having been pressured into standing another four hours to watch a middling football program struggle through conference play, hundreds of two-percenters silently sat in protest during the War Hymn at Kyle Field Saturday evening. The protest was reportedly a response to calls from the university’s administration, Old Army, and... Read more
How the Mob, as Transportation Services, Extorts Campus
The Mafia has taken root at Texas A&M. In a shocking revelation, The Mugdown discovered that the Mob has taken over Transportation Services and set up a massive extortion operation that relies on revenues from parking tickets and parking permits. The Mob, under the leadership of Don Goodfella, who... Read more
Students Dunk Rings in Massive Piles of Cocaine
For decades, students at Texas A&M have been participating in ring dunks. The way a ring dunk looks has evolved over the years, but the spirit behind the tradition has remained the same. These days, most students opt to dunk their ring from the bottom of a giant pile... Read more
Texas A&M Transportation Services to Block off All Roads on Game Day
Since the traffic nightmare of the 2013 Texas A&M game against Alabama, Texas A&M’s Department of Transportation has worked to find a more efficient way of reducing post-game traffic and accidents. Normally, this consists of closing more common routes in an effort to disperse traffic onto smaller roads throughout... Read more
Letter to the Editor: It Seems Like Maroon Out Season Comes Sooner Every Year
I am a good, faithful Aggie man. I love my friends and my family, but most of all, I love Texas A&M. So, naturally, football season means quite a lot to me. I love having the family come into town for the games. I love coming together with friends... Read more