Aggies Celebrate Annual ‘Death Raffle’ Tradition: “It’s What We’ve Always Done”
Despite humanitarian outcry and protest, freshmen students experienced one of Texas A&M’s oldest traditions for the first time Thursday night as the A&M student body celebrated the annual Raffle ceremony at Kyle Field. “It was amazing,” said freshman Jerrod McLaren. “I walked to Kyle with my DG friends. When... Read more
New App Seeks to Be Uber of Maid Service
Students are excited for the new app coming to College Station this semester: ChoreWhores. ChoreWhores allows a college student to request a maid any time of the day to clean their house for a small fee. Cleaning services include organizing the house, doing dishes, taking out trash, sweeping, mopping,... Read more
Missing Student Finally Found After 72 Hours in West Campus Garage
Earlier this morning, after being reported missing for three days, Texas A&M student Riley Nelson was found by university police. Nelson, a freshman English major, went missing earlier this week while trying to find her car parked on the fourth floor of West Campus Garage. Nelson survived by using... Read more
Upperclassmen Upset The Commons Actually Livable
When The Commons began its two-year renovation, it sent shockwaves through the on-campus culture, forcing South Side students to walk all the way to the MSC or, worse, Sbisa, for food and entertainment. The reopening of the Commons is a monumental shift in the pace of on-campus life. However,... Read more
Freshman Confuses Exercise Bikes at Evans for Renovated Rec Center
Constant construction across campus is a familiar sight for all Texas A&M students. Freshmen are often confused when crossing campus, unaware of the changing building names throughout a sea of forklifts and caution tape. Freshman Jack Christy discovered that the FitDesk Bike Desks installed in August at Evans, Medical... Read more
12th Man Productions Relieved to Finally Have Footage for Hype Videos
Saturday’s win against UL Lafayette not only brought joy to Aggie fans, but also relief for the video editors at 12th Man Productions. “It’s been a stressful job for us this season since my position is centered on making the Aggies look good via hype videos,” said Jonah Redding,... Read more
Bobby Ramirez Marches on Student Senate, Civil War Imminent
The conflict between Co-consuls Bobby Brooks and Bobby Ramirez has erupted into near–civil war between Aggieland’s two leading citizens. Consul Brooks’ election to consulship was met with accusations of illegitimacy, creating tensions with the cadet legionaries who hold dear the values of their Republic. The recent policy decisions crafted... Read more
Archaeologists Uncover Cryptic TAMU Parking Signs’ Hidden Meanings
For years, the signs which indicate parking lots and dot the Texas A&M campus have confounded students and faculty alike. Recently, however, TAMU’s team of renowned archaeologists may have cracked the prehistoric code behind their symbolism. Most students are familiar with these ancient monoliths. Each sign prominently displays one,... Read more
Reckless Moron Thinks It’s Okay to Bike on Sidewalks
Anger and discontent permeated campus on Wednesday morning as reckless moron Ricky Pflieger decided to ride his bicycle through a crowded sidewalk clearly designed for foot traffic. Pflieger, a sophomore communications major and inconsiderate jerk, defended the action. “The sidewalks are just so crowded and the buses are slow... Read more
Texas A&M to Install Campus Virtue Signal
Following a move by the Office of the Commandant at Saturday’s game, Texas A&M University felt called to renew their campaign against intolerance. The ability for the Corps of Cadets to demonstrate their stand against bigotry by a small gesture at march-in has revolutionized campus policy. Starting on Friday,... Read more