Aggies Q-Drop Ole Miss

Aggies to Q-Drop Ole Miss Loss

I’ve seen ‘em lose, and I’ve seen ‘em win. And now I’ve seen ‘em quit. The Aggies lost to the Ole Miss Rebels 35-20 in a game that was less close than the score indicated.

Fortunately, undergraduate football teams are normally permitted four Q-Drops during their collegiate careers. After using three of them to eliminate losses against the Tigers from last season, the Aggies have decided to Q-Drop their most recent loss.

Aggies Q-Drop Ole Miss

When a student decides to Q-Drop a class, there is no longer an incentive for them to show up to lectures. It became clear that the Aggies were going to be dropping this game by the end of the third quarter and fans left accordingly.

“We’ve been preaching consistency in practice and our boys delivered,” Coach Kevin Sumlin said after the game. “They have consistently underperformed these last three weeks. Fortunately with the Q-Drop, our guys have a chance to start over fresh.”

While Q-Dropped losses do not affect the AP or Coaches rankings, the losses are removed from the official team scoreboard. Now, the Aggies can live in a blissful ignorance about their abilities for at least one more week.

Just be glad we scheduled a cupcake game in Tuscaloosa this Saturday.

-Cactus Jack

Century Tree - Back

Aggie Conservatives Guard Century Tree from LGBT

For Aggies looking to propose, there are few places more romantic than the Century Tree. It’s massive size and arching branches make it a scenic locale, and the long standing tradition surrounding it make the Century Tree the destination of choice for Aggies to get engaged. Not all couples, however, are able to share in this tradition, and as of this week, some students on campus have made an effort to reinforce that fact.

Lately, members of the Texas Aggie Conservatives have been standing guard at the Century Tree, preventing homosexual couples from walking under it.

“The gays aren’t allowed to get married in Texas, so we’re not sure if the tradition will still work,” John Newman, senior agriculture major, said. “I wouldn’t want them to miss out on the magic.”

It is a well known tradition that the person you walk under the century tree with will be your soulmate for life, but if marriage laws don’t change in Texas, will the tradition still apply? Some members of the Aggie Conservatives believe that the tradition could even backfire.

“Let’s say two men walk under [the Century Tree], but since they can’t get married, it refuses to pair them up and instead decides they can never be together. That would be tragic,” Abigail Alders, sophomore poultry science major, said.

“If they could find a way to replant the Century Tree in California, I would be all over that,” Samuel Cook, senior ag leadership major, said. “I just can’t, on my good conscience, let these gay couples take the risk.”

Some couples were initially offended by this, couples like Lisa Kiev and Jenny Wang, but have since reconsidered their opinion on the matter.

“We were just going to walk under the tree as something cute to do, but I never really considered the implications.” Wang said. “I don’t even know Lisa that well. Turns out that’s not even her real name. It’s Molly. I mean, what else is she not telling me?”

The work of the Aggie Conservatives has saved many relationships from tragic decoupling and many singles from making the wrong choice.

“I need to rethink this. I owe these conservative guys big time,” Wang said.

It may not be a fair world for all, but the Texas Aggie Conservatives are fighting for equality and justice for a minority that has suffered greatly from discrimination in this country. Come rain, snow, or shine, you can always find one of their members guarding the Century Tree and standing for what is right.

“True love shall conquer all,” Cook said, “and we intend to see that happen.”

-Samurai Sully

Screen Shot 2014-10-09 at 11.35.55 AM

An Open Letter from Your Bus Driver

Some people hate me. Some people don’t even realize I exist. However, some people will follow me to the ends of the earth. I am your humble Spirit Bus driver, and I’ve embarked on a quest to experiment on the fragile minds of the students of Texas A&M.

Jason Hurdle once sprinted a quarter mile along side my door in hopes that I would let him in.

Hayden Thumps started beating the door as I drove past his Route 15 stop.

In your weakest moments, I flash the “Out of Service” notice.

But my favorite shade of desperation is the long-distance haul. As a driver, when you see someone a good distance away that you know is coming for your bus, you have two choices, really: wait or drive away.

I personally like to toy with my prey. I see them coming, make sure to lock eyes to show them that I see them. Then, I shut my door. This puts an extra bit of desperation in their eyes. They increase speed. Next, I take off the parking brake to show them that I’m ready to move. This is the kiss of death to them. They now have two choices: haul (red)ass to my bus or give up and wait for the next bus.

It’s during this internal strife that I am at my best. As soon as I see which decision they’ve made, I act.

Tuesday morning, I was sitting in my Route 6 bus outside the MSC. I saw Heather White just passing Rudder Statue. I had only just arrived, but she didn’t know this. For all she knew, I was ready to depart. As she made her way through the ‘free speech zone’ she must have thought she had a shot at making my bus. When she made it to the eye contact phase, I locked eyes and nodded. She showed relief. Then, I closed my door, this caused her to do a skip step to pick up her pace. Just as soon as she began at the new faster pace, I lifted my brake. She made an all-out sprint, almost knocking over an elderly professor to reach me.

Now, usually, once I’ve seen them commit, I take off and leave them running for nothing, but this one was special. She ran as hard as she could until she reached me. Once she was on board, I waited four whole minutes to depart.

Welcome to my world, you are all just along for the ride.

-Commons Lobbyist

Rev's Ad Space

University Sells Ad Space on Reveille’s Shawl

In the age of commercialism, it can be easy finding money to fund the largest stadium in the SEC. New stadiums are not cheap, but they can be if your values are. Studies have shown that the best way to finance a large, elite athletics program is to take the most iconic, most traditional, most respected representations of your university and market the s*** out of them.

It recently came to the University’s attention that Reveille VIII had a large amount of unused space on her shawl. Under the supervision of Jason Cook, a small marketing team fresh out of Wehner High knew just how to capitalize on what previously had been wasted potential.

Rev's Ad Space

“We actually drew our inspiration from NASCAR,” said Senior Associate Athletics Director for External Affairs, Jason Cook. “It was not easy finding a sport more heavily saturated with advertising than football. The work they do there is breathtaking.”

Nothing says Texas A&M more than beloved mascot Reveille VIII, and nothing begs for a cash grab like the already highly televised First Lady of Aggieland. However, with the increasing competition from universities to out “bigger and better” each other, Texas A&M is looking to capitalize on more of the University’s famous icons.

Coming soon to campus will be the newly remodeled WWE Academic Thunder-DomeTM where you can purchase your new Bed, Bath & Beyond 12th Man Towel-ettesTM while snacking on some tasty Kellogg’s Century Tree-tsTM.

Now if only we could get Coca-Cola.

-Honey Bear

Don’t forget to put a penny or two on Sully as you leave; five percent of your donation will be passed along to the Susan G. Komen Make-A-Salvation Foundation Nation Club.

Starbucks 6

Basic White Girls Literally Can’t Handle Starbucks Line

It is no secret that Starbucks is in high demand at Texas A&M. Since the MSC brought the franchise to campus in 2013, it has been clear that Aggies’ appetites could not be satiated with only one decent on-campus coffee center. The Texas A&M student body rejoiced when the school announced the replacement of Evans Library’s Poor Yorick’s with Starbucks this past summer.

However, this cause for celebration quickly became a thorn in the side of a special population on Texas A&M’s campus: Basic White Girls. You know who they are. If you do not have a good image of this person, look in the the Evans Library Starbucks line for the girl in yoga pants and an oversized t-shirt with a face contorted into the perfect Snapchat to send to her BFF. If that does not help you, it is likely because this describes every girl in line, as well as some of the boys.

The line at Starbucks has grown into a source of contempt among many on campus, but the arguably most affected are the baristas.  Karen Westwood, former full-time barista, reminisced on her time working in a place she described as a hellhole.

“I lasted for the first week, but then I had to quit,” said Westwood, “I couldn’t stand the stress, knowing that any moment somebody might throw coffee in my face.” Luckily for the baristas that remain, the lovely women in line value their sweet black nectar of life over steaming vigilante justice.

The real question is why these unsatisfied customers continue to return. Five weeks into the semester, the demand for coffee remains high whilst the supply remains low. Economics major, Michael Hendricks, admitted that the Evans Library Starbucks was the best argument for capitalism he had witnessed since he attended the meeting for Aggie Conservatives this past week.

“It’s amazing how faithful people are to a good product,” Hendricks said, “my Twitter feed will be full of people who ‘literally can’t even’ over the Starbucks line, and, the very next day, I will see those same individuals walking out of the library with white chocolate mochas in hand.”

In response to the high-pitched whines of basic girls across campus, the Evans Library Starbucks has promised to hear out every last, screeching complaint.

“The customer is always right,” said manager, Renaldo Montoya, “so in the coming weeks, we will be implementing a line cut-off. Once the line reaches a certain length, we will no longer allow others to step in, thereby guaranteeing the shortness of the line!” Mr. Montoya assures us that his plan is fool-proof.

The Mugdown did confirm that this cut-off will be defined by physical space and not head-count. Therefore, it will be to everyone’s advantage to ensure that only the Skinny(est) Latte lovers get in line.

-Lonely Lighter

Literal Boot Chasers

LITERAL BOOT CHASERS TERRORIZE CAMPUS

There is a college stigma that can ne’er be told, and it is the stigma of the infamous and elusive MRS Degree. Many young women invade Aggieland every year in search of the perfect man, and most agree that a uniform is one of the most attractive qualities a man can possess.

The phrase “boot chaser” is tossed around in College Station, and it is often applied to any girl who finds any member of the corps attractive and worthy of her attention. But as the years go by, the senior scramble hits. And with senior year comes the all too identifiable senior boots sported by the members of the corps.

Some of these ladies have taken this need to get their ring by spring from a member of the Corps of Cadets and are now chasing senior boys around campus in an attempt to woo them.

“It’s terrifying,” Joshua Redman, senior architecture major and corps member, admitted. “I never know when one [crazed young woman] is going to start running after me.”

Adopting the flock method that women have mastered for centuries, senior corps members have taken to traveling in packs so as to better protect each other.

“We have a few code words if we spot a girl running at us,” Greyson Barter said, a mechanical engineering major and senior cadet. “One word directs us to split up into more of a guerrilla style to hopefully confuse her. Another signals us to link up and move out. All of us are stronger than one of us.”

Barter declined to share what those words were.

One other cadet shared his traumatic story, but wished to remain nameless. He said that he was walking from his math class in Blocker when a woman chased him all the way to Evans Library before tackling him.

“She kept holding out her left hand, wiggling her ring finger, and pleading with me to take her to Yell,” he said. “But I couldn’t do that. First, because it’s spring semester, so we don’t have Yell Practice. And second, because she just assaulted me.”

Campus police are on watch for any senior corps cadet sprinting across campus in his boots. Any alleged “boot chasers” are asked to cease and desist or face consequences of public assault charges.

-Lone Star Lady

Reid Joseph

KOLDUSGATE: The Seedy Underbelly of TAMU Politics Revealed

This letter was delivered late last night, February 12th, to Mugdown HQ addressed from former Student Body President, Jeff Pickering. At first we did not think anything of it, that is until we opened it. The following are the unaltered contents of his letter:

Mugdown,

If you received this package, that means that I am already dead. What I am about to reveal has cost me so dearly and will undoubtedly rip the very fabric of our beloved school. It all started so seemingly innocent and well-intentioned, but power got the better of us. Like a Bothrops Asper it slithered into the dark recesses of our hearts, poisoning all that it bit.

The contents of this package reveal the rampant corruption and political scandals that have festered under the nose of the A&M student body. Mark my words, the Illuminati may or may not exist, but it pales in comparison to the the true power players of Texas A&M. The seedy underbelly crawls all the way to the top.

Who do you think created the whole uproar about Johnny Manziel getting paid for his signatures? Who do you think would create rumors about Governor Rick Perry becoming A&M’s next president? Who do you think feeds the ducks at Research Park? It’s all just a dirty ploy to divert our attention as the Great Stage Magician pulls the real trick over our eyes.

It is what little I have left of a conscience that compels me to tell you details of the latest corruption. While it would be easier to say nothing, I must speak if we at Texas A&M are to remain free. It all started January 13th, 2014, Loftin’s last day.

I didn’t think things would go as far as they did, but like the Aggies running out of the tunnel at the football games, some men just love power.

And perhaps things wouldn’t have escalated if it weren’t for a man named Cary Cheshire. Unlike the other vermin I dealt with, he was no great illusionist. He was just a man that got in the way.

Almost everyone knew Cary. A handful even liked the guy. Most recognized him from serving as a campaign team assistant for the past two years’ second place SBP candidates – Thomas McNutt and Garrett Nerren.

I should have known that it was going to be Cary to spoil the plans. He was always looking for a fight. Well, he got one. He got one hell of a fight.

I was visiting the SGA office for old time’s sake when I saw a disheveled Bowen Loftin leaving Reid’s office. I knew something was afoot immediately.

Reid was sitting at his desk with his feet up and wearing a weird look on his face. One that I hadn’t seen before. Was it a smirk? I couldn’t tell. We made small talk for a bit. It didn’t last long.

He asked me what I knew about Kyle Kelly. I told him, “not much”. That wasn’t entirely true.

Obviously, Reid knew that I was a part of the Student Body President Club, and I suppose that if I’m already dead, you should know about the Club. As former student body presidents, we talk. There’s a secret handshake. A trapdoor in the MSC. Typical elitist secret society stuff.

Reid then explained to me that Kyle Kelly was the new man chosen by the SBPC to take over the regime. This was to be expected. He was in the unique position of being able to reach the Corps of Cadets, Maroon Coats, Fish Aides, and the Christian Bubble. His only flaw was that he was a Senior.

Reid told me that he knew exactly how to make this thing work, but that he had to go a bit higher up the food chain.

That explained Loftin.

I had a lot of questions. Could he even endorse a SBP candidate as former president? Did he even know Kyle?

Joseph saw my confused look and stopped me. He pulled out an envelope: large, manila, with a red string. The kind used for secrets. He didn’t tell me what was inside. But I knew. Every SBP knew. Hell, every administrator at the school knew about the blackmail the Board of Regents had on Loftin. I nodded, finally putting the pieces together.

Blackmailing the former president of a University was bold and unprecedented, but it wasn’t surprising. I’ve heard crazier SBP stories, but those I’m taking to my grave. Joseph pulled out a laptop and played the video of the endorsement Loftin had recorded just minutes ago.

I will admit it seemed entirely genuine. You could barely tell that Loftin was reading cue cards and had his ankles zip-tied to the leg of Joseph’s desk.

“Could you hear the whimpering at the beginning?” he asked me. I could not.

The smirk returned to his face and I shuddered.

At that moment, Cary Cheshire turned into the SGA office.

Reid stopped and stared out the small window on his door. We both heard Cary outside, but we didn’t know what he heard. Or rather, how much he heard.

One month later, all was well.

After a discussion with the SBPC, we came to the conclusion that Cary was unaware. I soon learned how truly wrong we were.

I awoke at 1:02AM to my phone buzzing from the one number I fear most – the private SBPC line. After the Cary run-in, I immediately assumed the worst. And I assumed correctly.

I answered the phone to hear an enraged Kyle Kelly and a crying Reid Joseph on the other end. After multiple attempts to calm the two down, Kyle Kelly was finally able to force out the name I knew was coming.

“Cheshire. Cary. Cheshire.”

“He knows, Jeff. He knows everything.” Reid breathed heavily into the red phone. “The club, the room, the scandals, the machine – JEFF, HE KNOWS!”

I wanted out, but it was too late. Like tissue I was being sucked down with the rest of the filth. You know what happened next. The whole campus knows what happened next. Cary Cheshire filed for impeachment – not exactly music to a Student Body President’s ears.

I told them to calm down, that we can maneuver through this. I knew that if we could handle the Claybrook 2013 scandal, we could handle anything. I told them to trust in the system and we would begin the damage control.

The plan came too easily. We needed to shift the blame off Reid and on to somebody else. Someone to serve as the scapegoat. Richmond Howard was perfect. He was Kyle’s biggest competitor and there was just something I didn’t like about that receding hairline. So we pulled out the biggest weapon we could bear – The Blue Book.

Our best friend and our worst enemy, the Book is what we live by. The Blue Book is the receipt of our politics. It contains the names and positions of people we owe and more importantly, the people that owe us. After flipping through the book, one name stood out – Jake Walker, Editor-In-Chief of The Battalion. He owed us, and he owed us big.

When he helped to expose the Josh Light scandal in 2012, he kicked a larger hornet’s nest than he realized. He was in trouble, and trouble is our business. It only took six Cadets and one conversation later and Jake was in our back pocket that fateful Spring day.

Now was the time to cash in.

By 2:00AM, Jake had a letter in his mailbox from his favorite ‘Grandma’ holding instructions on what to write and who to write. By 11:00PM the following night, Jake published an opinion piece, and the rest will be history.

We’ve gone too far. Cary thinks he got them, that he got us. But he is Icarus and we are the scorching sun that will set his wings ablaze. If there’s a God, I’ll have to beg his forgiveness.

If history is written by the victors, I hate to see what the textbooks will say. That is why I sent you this letter. Tell the students. Tell the city. Tell the state. The whole world must know the truth.

Godspeed,

Jeff Pickering ‘12

Student Body President 2011-2012

Breakaway

Christian Bubble Bursts, Floods Reed Arena

COLLEGE STATION, TX — At Breakaway on Tuesday night, the Christian bubble at Texas A&M burst.

At the crescendo of the famous song by David Crowder, “How He Loves”, the bubble became so full of raised hands and loud voices that it simply could not hold up any longer. The pop echoed throughout College Station, causing waves in every fountain on campus.

“It was amazing,” Breakaway speaker Ben Stuart said. “I could really feel the Spirit moving.”

Reed Arena employees immediately called the fire department, as well as the company that dried the Blocker Building out to clean up the mess. Students were carried out on the backs of other students. The occasional “Carry each other’s burdens” resounded through the arena.

No serious injuries have been reported, but tales of humble service have been flooding social media.

“PTL for the Godly man who rescued me from Reed tonight. Meet me at Mugwalls tomorrow?” tweeted sophomore psychology major Sarah Abrahams.

Speculation is heavy as to why the bubble suddenly burst on Tuesday. Jeff Johnson, worship leader of Breakaway, has reportedly played that song multiple times. The bubble had stayed intact until that moment.

Many believe the explosion is the result of recent massive expansion of the bubble. The release of Impact counselor emails on Monday and subsequent reveal nights have strained the wall of the bubble to its breaking point.

“Yeah, I was just at Breakaway with my new camp when we heard this huge pop and then total chaos—shout out to Omega Naphtali though!” John Mark Davidson, freshman RPTS major, said.

Whatever the reason, the bubble has burst. University authorities have taken steps to ensure the cleaning of Reed Arena. As for the bubble, students say that its flood is still persisting and will not be contained or controlled in the foreseeable future.

-Lone Star Lady

Coke vs Pepsi

Texas A&M to Transition from Pepsi to Coca-Cola

In a move that has shocked the campus, Texas A&M University Dining has announced that it will be severing ties with PepsiCo. In its place, University administrators have awarded rival company Coca-Cola Bottlers Consolidated the exclusive right to sell products on campus.

The University’s contract with PepsiCo, a multi-year partnership which began July 2010, is set to expire July 27, 2014. As many students have remarked, the contract comes just in time for the University to replace campus dining locations with new Coca-Cola products for the upcoming fall semester.

The new Coca-Cola contract will cover all fountain, can, and bottle drinks distributed on campus. This includes every university dining hall, convenience store, and vending machine, as well as all special events and athletic concessions.

“I am most excited that our newfound relationship with the men and women at Coca-Cola Bottlers is beginning before the completion of our new Kyle Field. Throughout our upcoming seasons, the 12th Man will be proud to enjoy Coca-Cola.” said Texas A&M Vice President for Finance and Administration, B.J. Crain.

While neither the University nor Coca-Cola have currently stated the amount of the official bid, A&M’s Division of Finance and Administration predicts the value to be upwards of $27.5 million. However, they have since redacted the statement disclosing that the exact amount is still being negotiated.

Crain has since announced that the University and Coca-Cola fully intend to come to a reasonable and timely agreement, the details of which will be made public once they are approved.

Beginning at the inauguration of their exclusivity contract in late July, Coca-Cola will now claim rights to be the official soft drink of Texas A&M University.

The administration has called it “the first time in the University’s history where literally no one was upset with the decision…Well, except Pepsi.”

-Honey Bear

CONTACT          Jason Cook, APR

                                   Texas A&M Public Relations

                                    979.458.1729

                                   Mary Viola

                                   Pepsi Beverages Co. Public Relations

                                   979.458.1729 847.341.1603

                                   mary.viola@pepsico.com

Voting Guide Featured Image

Rock the Vote: Mugdown’s Guide to Fall Elections

With the year’s most anticipated election upon us, we take to social media to learn more about this years candidates. Where, besides Twitter, can one find valuable and objective information concerning a candidate’s viewpoints? Unless someone made a website for their Freshman Class President campaign, you probably can’t find it anywhere. That’s why the Mugdown is here to help. It’s time to Rock the Vote!

Screen Shot 2014-10-02 at 11.46.32 AMCampus may be rid of campaign banners, but social media is never safe.

The beauty of the fall election is that it doesn’t matter.

Scratch that. Actually, if you are a freshman or one of the dozens of people who weren’t elected in the spring, it may matter to you. I’m not saying that this election isn’t a big deal, voting is important. Mark my words, The Mugdown loves democracy. We just love the petty and over-the-top campaigning part of democracy the most.

With that, it’s time for some Freshman Class President Election campaign analysis courtesy of our friends over at #TAMU18.

Screen Shot 2014-10-02 at 11.47.53 AMYes. Freshman Class President.

Screen Shot 2014-10-02 at 11.51.12 AM
Be an informed voter. Go to bres4pres.com for more pics of flaming footballs.

Wait a second. SOMEONE ACTUALLY MADE A WEBSITE??

Just because you don’t have a website, doesn’t mean you don’t care. Take Donya for instance. Before you vote on Thursday, he wants you to, and I quote, “TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOUR PETS EVEN FAMILY LETS GET A BLACK GUY IN OFFICE IM NOT OBAMA THO!”

Now that is a promising candidate. Let’s go to Twitter and see what else he has to say.

Screen Shot 2014-10-02 at 11.52.42 AMRT to help Donya get punctuation.

Someone needs to remind these candidates that this is not a student body president election. What’s that? About half of these people are probably going to run for SBP in three years? Nevermind. Our next two candidates are using social media to push election facts.

Screen Shot 2014-10-02 at 11.53.28 AM
Putting money on this picture being recycled for his SBP campaign

Screen Shot 2014-10-02 at 11.54.04 AMI think he meant holla, but who knows? Holl could be some confusing new word, like Trill.

We saved the best for last. Actually, we legally cannot say that. Donya paid us good money to endorse him and this would be breaking our contract.

That last part isn’t true.

What is true is that it looks like the Corps may not make an endorsement this year, because two Fish Cadets are running. Also, who the hell gets endorsements when they are running for FRESHMAN CLASS PRESIDENT? But if I was a gambling man, I’d say O’Rourke probably has the advantage. Check out this tweet. He’s a servant, y’all.

Screen Shot 2014-10-02 at 11.54.40 AMPoor fish doesn’t know that we elect power hungry and insincere people every year . . . They’re called senators.

You may be wondering why we didn’t cover senate elections. If you are, you’re probably campaigning for student senate yourself and just wanted the publicity. Don’t get your panties in a wad though. Even if you are elected, statistics show that you are probably going to drop out before your term anyway.

There’s a special club for people that last a full term. It meets at O’Bannons and it’s run by Cary Cheshire.

Sorry for the rant. I’m a bit jaded. Now that you are an informed voter, the choice is yours. There is a pointless election today and a bunch of freshmen that want your vote are waiting.

Be a good Ag and go to vote.tamu.edu today and tomorrow. Election results should be announced Friday evening after all 200 votes have been counted.

-Cactus Jack

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