“Damn girl, you’re hot.”
This past week, I took my loneliness to a new low and created a Tinder profile under the name “Lola Lighter”. Apparently, “Lonely” isn’t a “real name”. Let’s just say sparks flew, and 152 matches later, I picked my favorite flames to share with you all.
Who knew flames could be so sexy?
1. Some people did not seem to care at all that they were talking to a lighter.
At least this one seemed a little excited.
2. Others just wanted to figure me out.
They obviously missed their opportunity with this flame.
3. Most people were really good at grammar.
I never figured out who Tony was.
I’m not entirely sure what this one was even supposed to say.
4. These charmers just made it too easy, so I did what lighters do best.
5. It was obvious that some of these boys listen to too much Drake. 0 to 100, real quick.
Zero. The answer is zero because have you seen what people say on here?
Gag me. Wait, that didn’t come out right.
6. A few got a good laugh out of the whole thing.
7. At least one may have been on the wrong app.
8. I tried singing a little to lighten the mood. It didn’t really work.
Thank you Billy Joel and Barry Manilow.
He really went for it and made up his own lyrics.
At the Copacabana, don’t fall in love.
9. And then the puns. All the puns.
These people actually tried to kindle a relationship with a lighter.
And here we have a perfect, literal description of the life of a lighter. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Skeptics. Am I right?
It was fun for a while, and then it got really old.
10. I did let a few people see my true, lonely soul.
In short, I feel pretty confident in my decision to never get a personal Tinder. If this is what the future holds for dating, I am pretty freaking terrified.