New Northgate Flock Cameras Programmed to Hand Out MIPs
During a press conference earlier today, police chief Billy Sofa revealed that the new Flock cameras in College Station will now be allowed to disperse Minor in Possession charges, or MIPs.
Utilizing artificial intelligence, the cameras can now scan the faces of those at Northgate, cross-referencing them with the student directory. Facial recognition then determines the student’s age and issues the charge accordingly. Newer models will also call your parents to report the news to them and post a witty one-liner to the police department Twitter account.
Sofa lauded the new initiative, claiming it would free up bike cops to do more important work, such as giving out speeding tickets or patrolling the crime-riddled streets of College Station.
However, sentiment among students is mixed, with some praising the increased security and others protesting the overreach.
“I am outraged,” said Hannibal Lecture, Kappa Alpha Order president. “I thought these cameras were just gonna be used for mass surveillance, not for infringing on our most important civil rights.”
As the technology rolls out, readers are advised to wear sunglasses and anti-surveillance clothing to Northgate in order to confuse the Flock cameras.
*The Mugdown does not condone destruction of Flock cameras. While destroying Flock cameras would make you a really cool person, and everyone would love you for it, destruction of property is probably bad.
— Mrs. Dabfire
Mrs. Dabfire is a woman of many talents: certified fish camp mom, unofficial MSC greeter, and full-time vape cloud. A theater major turned amateur intramural pickleball referee, Dabfire made a name for herself when she substituted for her younger cousin at New Student Conference and somehow left with three Breakaway T-shirts, a minor in Agricultural Leadership, and a job offer at Layne’s Chicken Fingers. Known for her emotional range (from giggling to sobbing during the Aggie War Hymn), she’s never seen without a pearl necklace, platform Crocs, and a Juul named “Ol’ Sarge.” She’s not your mom – she’s everybody’s mom. Just don’t ask what’s in her Owala.