Holy Trinity Of Texas A&M Revealed

In honor of the Easter season, we bring news of great joy —the Holy Trinity of Aggieland has finally been revealed. Long-awaited, whispered among the halls of the Hagler Center, the hot topic of every Historic District walk, and debated in the Starbucks line at West Campus Library, we can now confirm the divine trio.

Britt Harris: The Father
Creator of Titans of Investing, eternal font of wisdom, and hand-selector of chosen ones, Britt calls on students to “think differently” while simultaneously teaching that nothing else matters except achieving the nuclear family. Just as God the Father breathed life into humanity, Britt breathes resume credibility into every Titan’s future career. Programmed to “speak the truth with love,” he has inspired over a thousand Titans to sing his praises, each hoping he’ll remember their name and ensure eternal career salvation (or at least a fast track to the buy-side).

“For God so loved the Aggies, that He gave them Britt, so that whosoever gets in shall not professionally perish but have everlasting job security.” – Titans 3:16

Tyson Voelkel: The Son
Begotten, not made, of the Maroon Coats legacy. He creates disciples —sending forth polished students in business professional attire to spread the sacred gospel of the university. Admission to his kingdom is reserved for those with the purest hearts, the prettiest faces, or perhaps the longest Aggie lineage and ability to quote scripture from “Your Aggie Story.” Tyson looked at the Maroon Coats and thought: “Y’all are just like the disciples —diverse, yet somehow all perfectly molded from the same Christian bubble at Texas A&M.”

“Tyson said unto them, ‘Go forth and serve the university.’ And they did, with name tags and coordinated blazers.” – Maroon Gospel 12:25

General Van Alstyne: The Holy Spirit
Mysterious. Ubiquitous. Slightly confusing. The divine breath that leads Business Fellows.. Though no one may ever speak of the sacred Fellows Retreat —for that, too, is a mysterious and transformative experience— know this: you will leave feeling called to pursue a consulting career. As the disciples enter Fellows, they are eager, impressionable souls armed with nothing but a vague sense of ambition. But through the divine transformation of GVA, they leave as enlightened vessels—ready to name-drop and small-talk their way through any networking event.

“Though I walk through the valley of uncertainty and self-doubt, I shall fear no networking event, for GVA is with me; His vision and His wisdom, they guide me.” – Fellows 23:4

Go forth and share the good news. This Trio has successfully commensed Holy Week.

— MS Pick Me