Northgate to Install Outdoor Heaters for People Still Wanting to Look Good in the Cold
As a response to colder temperatures and a protest towards unfashionable winter clothing, Northgate has installed outdoor heaters throughout the district to ensure that bar-goers are able to stay warm while maintaining some semblance of style.
Jamie Greyfield, a frequent visitor of the Northgate district and strong proponent of the added infrastructure, stated the main benefit of heaters is that they help you stay warm while not ruining an outfit with layers on chilly nights.
“Sometimes I get asked why I’m wearing a crop top outside when the temperatures are near freezing,” Greyfield said. “As a woman, I can’t just wear jeans and a sweater out. Being warm isn’t worth giving up this cute outfit. Heaters will certainly be a game-changer”
The new heaters have already seen success as crop tops, tanks tops, and polos have made an unexpected winter resurgence. While it remains to be seen how this will affect Northgate fashion trends long term, there’s one thing we know for certain: it’s important to feel as hot as you look.
— Hannibal Lechner
While Hannibal might come across as some psychotic murderer, he’s really just a University Honors student, got it? Yeah sure, he makes prolonged eye contact as you pass by the couches in the Lechner hallway, and his intense obsession with true crime podcasts might make you uneasy, but he’s maybe only a little bit of a sociopath at best. Leave the serial killer vibes to McFadden, okay?