Realistic New Road Signs Placed Around Northgate
Last Friday, Northgate goers were surprised by a new LED road sign was set up on South College Avenue reading “Please try to sober up a little before driving.” City officials say the sign is part of their new “realistic action plan” regarding inebriated driving.
Eyewitnesses say the sign also flashed several other messages, including “try to come down from your high before getting into your car” and “Please make sure to eat something before you drive home.”
“Drinking and driving has been a problem in this town for years,” Deputy Sheriff Randy Bucksen said in an interview Saturday morning. “We hope with our new action plan, we can actually encourage students to try the bare minimum before driving home.”
More new signs were added in other areas of Northgate, including one that reads, “Hey! Maybe you shouldn’t drink and drive?” and another stating, “You probably shouldn’t be doing that.”
— Middle Class Missionary
Middle Class was always the disappointment of the family. He was born to the family of Swedish death metalheads that founded Hot Topic, but never took an interest in music, the supernatural, or anything alternative. That all changed when one day he picked up a little book written by a fella named Jesus Christ. Soon he would be traveling around the world, spreading the good word at sold out stadiums. Along the way, he picked up more than an acoustic guitar and an affinity for ham-boning. He made a lot of money too! After achieving peak global success, he realized his true purpose in life: to build an ever bigger Protestant church down the street from St. Mary’s.