The Definitive Christian Bubble Power Rankings
Texas A&M University is home to many different communities, but perhaps none is quite as interconnected and influential as the Christian bubble. So, to help you keep track of who’s who, The Mugdown has identified and ranked the top 15 organizations to watch out for.
15) Squadron 17: A Corps outfit that has somehow convinced itself it is also a men’s organization, fraternity and, occasionally, a military unit.
14) David Gilbert Leadership Conference: Where leadership and knowing the right people come together.
13) Brotherhood of Christian Aggies: The Christian bubble’s designated cool guys. Self-appointed, of course.
12) Beta Upsilon Chi: If you miss your childhood summer camp, don’t worry. You can just join BYX.
11) Maroon Coats: A unique synthesis of so-called “service” and convincing someone’s grandmother to donate their entire life savings to Texas A&M.
10) Aggie Men’s Club: Proof that the Christian bubble has a nightlife department, and it is headquartered at FnA.
9) Chi Omega: Recognizable by three things: a bob, a permanently squinty smile and a baby purse that holds absolutely nothing.
8) Fish Aides: The Christian bubble’s unofficial freshmen recruiting department. They find the students who will eventually become the people running everything else.
7) Student Government Association: Nothing says servant leadership like spending six months campaigning to become a senator so you can spend the next year arguing about nothing and actually doing even less.
6) Kappa Alpha Theta: The unofficial SGA headquarters of the Christian bubble. Somehow, there is always a Theta involved, and, somehow, she is always running for something.
5) Business Fellows: Where the aspiring consultants of the Christian bubble go to learn about the “diverse perspectives” that the other religions bring.
4) Business Honors: The academic wing of the Christian bubble, where being high-achieving, overly reflective, involved and mildly overcommitted is not just a personality trait, but an admission requirement.
3) MSC Abbott: A gathering of people who somehow already knew each other before they joined and mainly meet to discuss the trauma of their parent’s divorce.
2) Coco Loco: The Promised Land—where there is an unspoken competition to see who can use “pragmatic,” “intentional” and “season” the most times while eating their weirdly spicy green sauce.
1) Yell Leaders: The Christian bubble’s final boss. White outfits, occasionally respecting women, and an inexplicable amount of authority.
— Wolf of Wehner
Since before the FBI had even heard the name Jordan Belfort, the Wolf of Wehner has been active in high-profile business and political operations around the world. The Wolf played a key role in the Watergate scandal, the death of Princess Diana, the ‘08 recession and even estate budgeting for Jeffrey Epstein’s Island. The Wolf of Wehner does not deny their involvement in these scandals but rather openly discusses them to demonstrate their “vast experience and keen business acumen” when applying for summer internships in private equity and investment banking. The Wolf of Wehner, although elusive, can sometimes be spotted selling test answers before Accounting 229 exams, falsifying earnings projections in case competitions or talking loudly on the quiet floors of the West Campus Library. The future of American business is in the hands of this infamous individual whose LinkedIn profile (with 500+ connections) professes that “It is better to be rich than happy. Obviously.”