Drunk Yelling Men Wonder Why Women Don’t Want Them

A recent survey reports that, despite descending upon College Station’s Northgate District in great droves each weekend, groups of four or more drunk, yelling men have only a 0.1% success rate at talking to women.

Texas A&M Department of Psychology, the conductors of the study, were reportedly shocked at the results — especially considering many of the survey’s applicants claimed to get “mad bitches all the time.”

Despite these men’s high hopes and beliefs that each night they might finally find the one to bring home, many women are unreceptive to the attention of drunk men slurring catcalls at them as they pass on the street.

Chad Hussleman, Ph.D. has released research on the possible psychological reasons for this phenomenon, which he has termed the “Huzzless Effect.”

Hussleman has attributed the formation of drunk, prowling squads of men in Northgate to a negative reinforcement loop that affects men who initially struggle to communicate with women. While some men faced with this issue self-reflect and try to understand this disconnect, many others instead decide the best course of action is to get drunk and yell at people to show off their incredible confidence and sense of humor.

Shockingly, reports show their targets aren’t just women — other men who accompany women are often targets of this yelling as well. Studies show that these men’s drunken stupor instills a false belief that with the right insult to these women’s boyfriends, she might suddenly realize she’s dating a loser and come running to a real man.

Despite week after week of disappointment and failure, these men continue their attempts to attract women with this incredibly inefficient approach, ready to pay $10 in cover and $8 a drink just to scream and hiccup their way home each night.

— Yap Leader