Good News! The Apartment Complex You Lost Your Virginity In Is Getting Demolished
Despite the negative press surrounding recent Northgate development plans, one change actually enhances the area: The apartment complex you lost your virginity in is getting utterly destroyed.
No longer will you shudder everytime you drive by Northgate; the old apartment complex where you had your very first sexual encounter will be demolished in an attempt to revitalize the area. Whether or not the girl from your sophomore chemistry lab still lives there is unknown.
The complex, The Gatepoint at North Crossing, was built in 1975 and has hosted thousands of hookups across its 50-year lifetime, including those few passionate nights you spent with your first girlfriend when you were 20. It is currently slated for a May demolition by Culpepper Realty Group, and with it go some of those memories that make you sad to think about.
“With our revitalization plan, we want to get rid of the gross, dingy feeling some people may have when walking through Northgate,” Culpepper Realty Director John Culpepper stated. “We want residents to have a fresh, new perspective on the area, with no negative or uncomfortable associations.”
Unfortunately, you may never forget how kind your first love was to you or those sweet, tender moments you spent together, but with the building gone, at least you won’t have flashbacks to your sophomore year of college every time you drive past Northgate.
— Middle Class Missionary
Middle Class was always the disappointment of the family. He was born to the family of Swedish death metalheads that founded Hot Topic, but never took an interest in music, the supernatural, or anything alternative. That all changed when one day he picked up a little book written by a fella named Jesus Christ. Soon he would be traveling around the world, spreading the good word at sold out stadiums. Along the way, he picked up more than an acoustic guitar and an affinity for ham-boning. He made a lot of money too! After achieving peak global success, he realized his true purpose in life: to build an ever bigger Protestant church down the street from St. Mary’s.