Horse Wanders Into Men’s Restroom At Dixie Chicken
This past weekend, a horse was found stuck in the men’s restroom at Dixie Chicken, seemingly enticed by the horse-trough-style urinals.
Despite signage warning that contents within the urinal are NOT meant for ingestion, it seems the horse couldn’t pass up a cold one — though filtered through the male urinary tract. It is unclear whether the horse was drawn by the smell of the restroom or the sight of its ostensible dinner table.
Thankfully, several members of the Corps of Cadets, who were playing pool nearby at the time of the incident, were able to steer the stallion off the premises.
“I’m a big beer guy,” economics junior Richard Moore, a cadet, said. “I love an ice cold Natty Lite as much as the next guy, so if that’s what [the horse] was after, honestly, how can we blame him?”
The incident has made waves on campus. A group of students have christened the animal “Piss Horse” and are clamoring for its freedom.
“I was born and raised in this country,” political science senior Vivian Nguyen, organizer of several Piss Horse events on campus, said. “My parents immigrated here so I could have rights. Why, then, can’t horses have the same? I demand equality. I demand action.”
A “Gallop for Piss Horse” protest march has been announced to take place next week on campus, followed by an interpretive dance performance at Rudder Auditorium by two guys in a horse costume.
Texas A&M’s Large Animal Hospital was called and has taken the animal in for the time being. Investigation is still being done as to the whereabouts of the horse’s owner, so responsibility for the incident has not yet been attributed.
— Call Me By My Fish’s Name
With his Oakley sunglasses and a lawn chair perpetually camped out on the banks of the Aggie Park pond, Call me by my Fish’s Name is often asked for help by many novice fishermen. It’s a service he’s happy to provide — a true model fisherman. One time though, we caught him trying to sneak a bass out of the park, a clear violation of the catch and release policy. We didn’t report him to the game warden, but we did come to an understanding that day. Call me by my Fish’s Name stopped by our office a few days after this incident, and has been writing for us ever since.