Students Turning 21 Living It Up at Home

Across social media platforms, birthday girls and boys turning 21 have been posting photos of themselves alone surrounded by alcohol and cake. All of these instances are followed by the caption, “Wishing I was out with my friends. Missing you 😘.”

“It was really sad,” said Jessie Andrews, roommate to a recent 21-year-old birthday girl. “She was just drinking on the couch and was clearly down about it, but when I offered to go out to Northgate with her, she refused. She said it was a ‘danger to society.’ Truly an act of altruism.”

Reports of these solo partiers describe them slowly making their way through a six-pack with the occasional shot while they curl up on their sofa watching Netflix.

Despite the good intentions of their fellow classmates, there are still some who brave Northgate in the hopes that the alcohol they consume will provide temporary immunity. “Social distancing has been going on for months now, and I just want one night. I only turn 21 once, and no deadly disease will keep me from getting legally drunk tonight,” Justin Sallow said. He has also been reported to believe that the pandemic is “all just a hoax” and “just like the flu.”

Out of the two types of students, the lonesome birthday celebrators are praised for their sacrifice of a “good time” and celebrated for the intense self-restraint necessary for a night at home.

 

— Weeb King Gill