Maroon Coats Plaster Fatheads Across Campus for ‘Recruitment Purposes’
As recruitment ramps up, Maroon Coats have taken to campus to remind students of their superiority. In major buildings across campus, 6’x6’ fatheads of current Maroon Coat members were hung in hallways and prominent viewing spots in an attempt to intimidate and spark interest.
Each fathead includes a quote from the member it showcases. The quote under member Brandon Carter’s photo reads, “See that new building out the window? A tour I gave to a donor paid for that.”
“Maroon Coats are excited about our upcoming recruiting process,” said organization president Emma Tucker. “This year, we really want to appeal to the underrepresented students that maybe wouldn’t think to apply. We aren’t just looking for the international student or the president of an organization; we are also looking for students with an elitist predisposition.”
In previous years, Maroon Coats have utilized unique recruiting techniques. Two years ago, free golf cart rides were offered to simulate what it feels like to receive a tour from an authentic and conversational Maroon Coat. In 2016, students were given the chance to try on an actual maroon coat to feel the weight of an entire university on their back.
As for this year, Maroon Coats don’t have an ideal applicant number they hope to achieve, but they are aiming for a rejection rate of 97%.
— Maroon Gloat
Every single night before she goes to bed, Maroon Gloat plans her outfit for the next day. She gets cold easily and needs something to constantly insulate her. She has tried jackets, pullovers, and even shawls, but nothing keeps her warm like coats. One day, she discovered reds and purples looked best on her — specifically maroon. She wears maroon with such confidence that it’s now become her trademark. Rumour has it you can find her driving golf carts during campus tours… there’s even a football game honoring how good it looks on her.