Commandant Opens Happy Hour on the Quad
Corps of Cadets Commandant Joe Ramirez announced today that the Corps will be offering a happy hour at Duncan dining hall starting next Thursday. This move was made in part to decrease the number of cadets being charged with public intoxication on their way back from Thursday night dollar beers.
“Instead of risking Northgate guardroom shifts, I think the obvious plan of action here is just to serve alcohol on the quad,” Ramirez said. “I’m not like other commandants at military colleges, I’m the cool commandant. I‘d rather them be drinking here where it is safe than out on Northgate.”
The new happy hour will have a new theme each week highlighting the history of the Corps. Next month, to celebrate the anniversary of women being allowed into the corps, the one cool wag from each integrated outfit will be invited. The commandant has also said they will celebrate Lawrence Sullivan Ross’s birthday happy hour with a viewing of “The Birth of a Nation.” “It’s a great film, and I’m sure Sully would’ve loved it,” Ramirez said. “RV’s will be required to watch in their whites for that week’s happy hour.”
— Hiss and Tell
After finally plucking up the courage to ask that cutie to be his date to the football game, Hiss and Tell carefully pops a few mints into his mouth after an Aggie touchdown. He sniffs his armpits a few times, nervously turns to face his date, closes his eyes, and leans in to mug down. Sure, to the unwitting viewer it might look like someone is making out with a 4.78-meter long reticulated python, but to Hiss and Tell? Well, this is the start of a beautiful love story.