Senior Has 208th Rough Week in a Row

“It’s been a rough week,” said senior mechanical engineering student Jordin Hawpkins when asked by his professor to detail the week’s progress on his senior design project. This marks the latest in a string of 208 consecutive “rough weeks” for Hawpkins, who reportedly “just cannot catch a break.”

According to reports, Hawpkins’ string of bad luck began freshman year, the week of his very first engineering assignment. Hawpkins’ classmates claim that the day before the due date, he was desperate for help starting the assignment, explaining that he had “just had a rough week.” The following week turned out to be no better for Hawpkins, as he attempted to explain to his English professor while asking for an extension on his paper. His misfortune would continue throughout his college career, disrupting assignments and commitments of all kinds along the way.

Fellow classmates and professors are stumped regarding the cause of Hawpkins’ poor circumstances. The discrepancy between Hawpkins’ apparent bad fortune and his weekly activities has led many of his detractors to question the legitimacy of the excuse. Several of Hawpkins’ classmates even claim to have seen him at Northgate at the end of nearly every such “rough week.” Those who have seen the young man’s cold, lifeless eyes on Monday morning however have no doubts as to what sort of week he has had.

Hawpkins was unavailable for comment this week, claiming a “splitting headache” and that he “really was not feeling great.”

 

— Hullabaloo Balls