Drunk Student Defies the Odds, Makes it to Northgate

At 11 p.m. Saturday night, senior Aaron Berkowitz defied all odds by ending up at Northgate. Berkowitz started his night at a 7 p.m. pregame for a date party with Aggie Tulips, then attended the date party. Berkowitz at 9 p.m. showed no promise of being able to push through to “the Gates,” but he surprised the other attendees, including his date, Kiara Michaels, with his stamina to make it all the way.

Said Michaels, “When we started drinking at 7, he insisted on taking three Jäger-bombs. He was doing well; we were chilling with a pretty big group of people. Then he started with the Four Lokos, and it was all downhill from there.”

“That dude is a party master.”

It was reported that by 9 p.m. Berkowitz was vomiting on the front lawn of the house. Other attendees rushed to his aid, but Berkowitz insisted he just needed to go to the bathroom for a while to regain his composure. An acquaintance of Berkowitz, Sammy Mickelson, was able to witness the partial recovery.

“He had puke all over him. Like, all over him. He went into the bathroom for ten minutes, then came out relatively spotless,” said Mickelson. “That dude is a party master.”

Berkowitz switched from Four Lokos to beer at the date party, which was held at an undisclosed location in Bryan. After dancing for approximately two hours and consuming four more beers, Berkowitz and four other attendees ordered an Uber. While in the Uber, Berkowitz threw up out the window, avoiding the $200 Uber charge that would have been incurred. The Uber driver, Coner Meens, vividly remembered Berkowitz’s escapade.

“I kept thinking, ‘this kid isn’t going to make it,’” said Meens. “He was pale and green, with puke stains on his collar. But I gotta give him props. He didn’t throw up in my car, and when I dropped him off, he hustled straight to Tipsy Turtle.

Berkowitz proceeded to take two pickle shots at the Tipsy Turtle, then go to the Chicken to play pool towards the end of the night. College Station police were called about an argument at the Chicken and Berkowitz was escorted from the facility to his place of residence at The Rise. According to sources close to Berkowitz, he avoided a public intoxication citation by claiming he was the nephew of U.S. Secretary of Energy Rick Perry.

 

—Buffalo Wild Wags