Local Church Offers Evening Service for Hungover Students
In an attempt to increase student attendance, Central Fellowship Bible Church: North Campus (CFBCNC) has begun offering evening services to cater to students who spend most of their Sundays recovering from hangovers. These new services will occur at 5 p.m and will offer gatorade and other electrolyte-filled snacks.
Students have been thrilled about the new idea, as it allows them to be more productive in multiple areas of their lives. “I used have a hard time attending church because it was getting in the way of my social life,” said Peter Simon, a sophomore business major. “Now I don’t have to choose between sitting in my puke and sitting in a pew.”
CFBCNC saw a chance to capitalize on the new service when powerhouse Grace Bible Church: Anderson Campus (colloquially, “Granderson”) stopped offering evening services. While CFBCNC still faces competition with a few other churches, they feel as if they are gaining popularity with the “I’m out of excuses” crowd.
Although the new services have convinced many students to start going back to church, a few are still resistant. “Sunday evening is when I study,” said Martha Greenberg, a junior engineering major. “God has placed me at this university to be a student and that is what I need to prioritize.” Students voicing this opinion do not worry CFBCNC, because they believe those students were probably not coming to church anyway.
CFBCNC has seen tremendous growth since the addition of the service and expects to be a leader in evening services for the foreseeable future. “Being back at church has left me so ‘filled with the Spirit’ like it says in Ephesians 5:18,” said Simon. “And now I can spend the rest of my weekend filled with the spirits.”
—12th Man Bowels
It’s the middle of the third quarter, and those nachos you ate after tailgating aren’t sitting too well. You can’t stand it, and you make the long trek to the nearest Kyle Field bathroom. You make it in the nick of time…but the water isn’t running! You’ve heard the legend of 12th Man Bowels…but is he real? If he is, will he answer? You call on him, but nothing happens. Just as you begin to despair, as if on cue, water burst through the pipes. Toilets flush, hands may be washed, and you know, even though you can’t see him, 12th Man Bowels is with you…he is always with you.