God Smites Professor After Poor Review

Last week, the Artie McFerrin Department of Chemical Engineering announced that God smittened one of their tenured professors. Dr. Pam McNaughton was swept away after a student reviewed her poorly on Rate my Professors . This evaluation was unexpected, as she toted a 4.3 out of 5 rating before being liquidated. The review detailed how the “outrageous labs,”which students were given two weeks to finish, could not be completed entirely on the due date.

The following day, students applauded the swift action our Heavenly Father, took to obliterate the professor. “Praise be to the Almighty, I’m glad that Dr. McNaughton got what was coming to her,” sophomore chemical engineering student, Jordan Singh said. “The class was ridiculous. I can’t spend more than three hours working on a lab.”

Singh is grateful to the Creator for defending vulnerable students from their “tyrannous” professors. “I shouldn’t have to go to office hours to get an A,” Singh said. “In high school, all I had to do was turn in the solutions I got from my friends. She was ruining the whole department.”

When asked about Dr. McNaughton, God parted the clouds to say, “SKIP CLASS? YOU WON’T PASS,” “BEWARE OF POP QUIZZES, ” and “PARTICIPATION MATTERS.” The Omnipotent will continue to closely monitor the 350-character anonymous reviews of faculty and execute judgment by fire on anyone not meeting the students’ approval.

— Man in STEM