Fraternity to Introduce Gluten-Free Pledge Track
Earlier today, the Eta Omega chapter of the Phi Sigma Upsilon fraternity at Texas A&M University announced the creation of a pledge track designed for potential new members (PNMs) with gluten sensitivities. Coincidentally, this announcement comes following the indictment and fining of Phi Sigma Upsilon for alcohol-related hazing during the 2021 rush season.
Under the new pledge track, PNMs will have the option to replace beer with Angry Orchard, a naturally gluten-free alcoholic cider. The new pledge track does not address how this will affect the liquor offered at rush events, nor does it mention the effects that mass consumption of alcohol can have on the human body regardless of alcohol type.
“I think that adding a gluten-free pledge track will really cater to our pledges with sensitive tummies,” said Phi Sig rush chair Weston Stoll. “The problem people had with alcohol in past years is definitely just because of the gluten present in beer, not because of how much they were made to drink.” Stoll is also currently under investigation by the Interfraternity Council for forcing a pledge to consume a fifth of gin, his “family drink,” during the 2021 Big/Little reveal.
Several former gluten-intolerant PNMs of Phi Sigma Upsilon do not feel that the updated pledge track addresses the underlying problem. “The stuff they made us drink in the past was naturally gluten-free,” said a former PNM who wished to remain anonymous. “Last year, I got alcohol poisoning when one of the brothers made me drink a half gallon of rum during rush week. They wouldn’t even take me to the hospital because they ‘didn’t want to get sanctioned’ and ‘I could just sleep it off.’”
At press time, Phi Sigma Upsilon had yet to issue any comments related to the allegations of former PNMs. It was clear, however, that they plan to continue overlooking the actual problem at hand in the interest of brotherhood.
— Flash it Back, Ags
You may have seen her skulking around campus in a beige trenchcoat, waiting for the perfect moment to reveal her ass to unsuspecting students. An exhibitionist at heart, she’s been arrested for streaking fifteen times since 2012. UPD is aware of her presence and is doing their best to keep her away from sporting events, graduations, and the background of promotional materials. You can often find her doing squats at the Rec. If you ask politely, she might just show you her assets.