Your Roommate Is Definitely Having Sex Right Now

According to witnesses at your residence in College Station, your roommate is definitely having sex right now. Your roommate did not know that you and your other roommates were home but is seemingly unconcerned with the repercussions that their actions might have on the group living environment.

Approximately 10 minutes ago, your roommate invited their significant other into their room to “watch this cool movie you’ve probably never seen” on Netflix. Sources indicate the film in question was the 2012 action flick “The Dark Knight Rises.” Knowing your roommate, this movie was chosen for its incredibly long run time, dramatic music, and sexually frustrated overtones.

Approximately five minutes ago, the movie volume suddenly and inexplicably rose. It was at this point that you walked into the kitchen to investigate the source of the noise. Upon deducing that it was coming from your roommate’s bedroom, you joined your other roommates in the living room, which borders the bedroom in question.

Approximately three minutes ago, a rhythmic banging began against the shared wall. A steady moan began to emanate through the house, the sound of which was inconsistent with the plot of the movie. Reports suggest that it was at this point your roommate ceased to watch the film and instead decided to engage in an animalistic sexual encounter with their significant other.

At press time, the noises from your roommate’s bedroom had ceased, suggesting that one party might be embarrassed and could potentially be making a hasty exit within the hour. Based on previous experience, it can be expected that your roommate will attempt to explain the obvious noises of two adults having sex as “just trying to find a comfortable way to lay down and watch the movie” before asking how long you and your other roommates had been home for.

 

— Flash it Back, Ags