Christian Just Having Worst Gosh-Darn Day
In a message sent to the Breakaway Street Team GroupMe, local Protestant and Texas A&M University junior Carsyn Whitfield reported that she was having “the worst gosh-darn day” and “couldn’t believe how freaking stressed” she was. Other members of the Street Team cited similar feelings, with the majority sentiment being that this is just such a shoot time of year and it’s okay to frick up every once in a while.
Members of the Christian community on campus are often heard replacing common curse words with other, less harsh words. While this allows for the words of their mouths to be more holy and pleasing to God, the meditations of their hearts and the sentiments behind their words are unchanged.
“I mean, I definitely know exactly what Carsyn meant when she said that she was having the worst Me-damned day,” God said. “Don’t get Me wrong, I love the effort, but it’s almost like they forget that I am omnipotent and know literally every single thought they have.”
Despite having a week full of bullshirt, Whitfield was able to put her earthly cares aside and hold the forking Breakaway banner on Tuesday. At press time, she could be heard telling her friends that she could not freaking believe how many people were so liberal with their use of curse words.
— Flash it Back, Ags
You may have seen her skulking around campus in a beige trenchcoat, waiting for the perfect moment to reveal her ass to unsuspecting students. An exhibitionist at heart, she’s been arrested for streaking fifteen times since 2012. UPD is aware of her presence and is doing their best to keep her away from sporting events, graduations, and the background of promotional materials. You can often find her doing squats at the Rec. If you ask politely, she might just show you her assets.