What Does Your Cadet Haircut Say About You?
The 5 Finger White Wall
There’s nothing quite like a five finger white wall with a two on top, better known as a fish cut. With this haircut, there’s no doubt that you are the bottom of the totem pole, the punching bag of the Corps. You went from high school hero to zero faster than you could drop down and do twenty push-ups. If you have this haircut, odds are you are either falling asleep in class or having a daily internal debate on whether all this suffering will be worth it. Probably both.
The Chia Pet
This haircut lets everyone around you know you don’t care about the Corps anymore. It’s definitely been three or four weeks since you’ve gotten a haircut, but who’s counting anyway? Definitely not you. Only white belts or really burnt out pissheads sport this cut.
The Slick Back
This haircut looks inconspicuous when your bider is on, but take it off to reveal an out-of-regulation cut on top that knows how to party and doesn’t care about discipline. Only for the boldest of cadets, this hairstyle is sure to cause a scene.
The Hard Part
Reserved for the Corps elite, this haircut says it all. Though it was banned by the Commandant several years ago for not looking “military” enough, it has rebounded back harder than the Aggies after hiring Jimbo Fisher. You are definitely in a leadership position or involved off the quad if you’re rocking this bootchaser favorite.
The Bob Cut
Wags sporting this hairstyle are sending a clear message that they’re the alphas. You have more important things to be doing than spending twenty minutes every morning putting your hair in a bun. If you’re a true Corps baddie, you are definitely rocking this hairstyle.
— Quadbuck Naked
A caffeine-addicted fish with nothing to lose, Quadbuck Naked would rather strip down to his birthday suit and do a unit run while singing a jodie than go a single day without his coffee. Granted, he is an expert in what he calls “whipping out,” and has been known to do so on command. When he’s not sitting in the center of the first three rows of the lecture hall, you can spot this crazy cadet on the Quad sipping from a Starbucks cup. Who knows, bootchasers, maybe he’ll buy you a caramel macchiato one of these days! All we ask is that you tell us whether his fish cut matches the drapes.