The Mugdown’s Tips and Tricks for Gigging the Ag of Your Dreams
This article originally appeared in The Mugdown’s Fall 2021 print edition. To view a digital copy of the print edition, click here.
“I mentioned my Goldman internship and the countless networking contacts I made there.”
— Brianna ‘22, Finance Major
Yeah, you know the type. Nothing is more attractive to a man than the challenge of a woman with the potential to be more successful than him. If he isn’t attracted to your looks, hit the books.
“I spent the night in the Zachry study rooms with Visual Studio open, looking helpless and confused.”
— Nikki ‘23, MEEN Girl
Engaging with the men found in Zachry past 1 a.m. is a failsafe method to securing a six figure salary soulmate. A meet-cute in the 24 hour study room not only ensures passing your class, but might also fulfill your Bob the Builder fantasy.
“I said I didn’t know how to dance my 27th time at Harry’s.”
— Maggie ‘24, Sophomore Bootchaser
Give men what they want: control. Let them think they are leading you when in reality, you are leading them into a permanent place in your life. Step on their toes, giggle, apologize, and repeat.
“I walked around campus in business professional attire, regardless of if I had an interview or project that day.”
— Brent ‘24, has ‘Entrepreneur’ in his Tinder bio
Presentation is everything. How better to appeal to a woman as a potential suitor if not to casually present to her your wedding day outfit? Nonchalantly flip your wrist to check the time on daddy’s Rolex, even if you still haven’t learned to read analog.
“I scaled all four flights of HELD twice a day, every day. Consistency is key.”
— Ryker ‘23, Aspiring Personal Trainer
This one can be tricky, but those who can silence their panting, desperate attempts for air and contain the redness on their faces upon arriving at the fourth floor are the elite who serve as a reminder that a god-tier exists among the greatest as well.
“I tightened my safety goggles a notch extra to get those sweet goggle marks of a STEM major to last throughout the day.”
— Paxton ‘22, Single
Work smarter, not harder. Crisp red lines and baggy eyes are the signs of a man who can successfully titrate on his first attempt. A relationship with a chemistry major will promise you chemistry in your relationship.
— BIMS and Snap
One day after a particularly rough organic chemistry lab, BIMS and Snap needed a pick-me-up. After haphazardly driving her black, convertible Porsche down Texas Avenue, she screeched into the parking lot of the vet school, certain that a new sweatshirt from the College of Veterinary Medicine and Biomedical Sciences store would do the trick. As she was walking into VIDI, she saw an absolute hunk of a third-year vet student in a form-fitting white lab coat. Unsure of what to do, BIMS and Snap threw her lab goggles to the ground, dropped to grab them, and quickly snapped back up, hoping to get the vet student’s attention. Since the world is not like “Legally Blonde,” the vet student called CAPS, who recommended that BIMS and Snap channel her need for attention into something a little more productive, like satirical journalism.