Student Admits Laziness to Career Fair Recruiter

This article originally appeared in The Mugdown’s Fall 2021 print edition. To view a digital copy of the print edition, click here.

Junior economics student Gary Garza waited in line for 45 minutes at a career fair last Wednesday before admitting to a recruiter that he is “flat out lazy with no redeeming qualities.” Garza then spent the next 5 minutes outlining his relevant experiences, which include doing a risk-reward analysis to decide whether to cheat on his math exam and using cost-effectiveness analysis to choose how many girls he needs to invite to kickbacks for him and all his friends to get laid. Concluding his elevator pitch, Garza mentioned that he wants to join a work environment where he is a “culture fit” and told the recruiter to look out for his resume.

Garza’s blunt assessment of his own work ethic signals a significant decay in his self-perception. Beginning his sophomore year of high school, Garza frequently reposted quotes from hustle lifestyle Instagram accounts and was known for updating his Snapchat story each time he completed a school assignment or visited the gym, usually captioned with the phrase “Build a Better You.” These tendencies remained intact throughout the pandemic as his study habits worsened until they came to an abrupt stop several weeks ago on a Tuesday night at Los Cucos.

“We’d always give Gary a hard time about skipping every required recitation for karaoke, especially after how much he talked about getting back on his grind once in-person classes started again. That career fair was the first time he didn’t make an excuse and actually lived up to the fact that he is going nowhere in life,” said Jonathan Olaez, a friend of Garza’s. “I’m really happy that he’s finally free from the pressure he put on himself to be successful. Personally, I’ve been a lot happier since I lost all of my ambition.”

 

— MSC ALITTLE