Sororities Discover New Way to Judge Others

This past Wednesday, the Texas A&M Panhellenic Council announced a question that was added to their applications for the recent fall recruitment season: Which vaccine did the applicant receive?

“Obviously, we want to make sure all our potential new members are vaccinated, so we thought asking which vaccine they got could be fun,” President Kelsey Boca said. “But instead of using it as an icebreaker, we realized we could use it as, like, a screening tool, too.”

Director of Recruitment Madison Chargois has since claimed credit for the original idea. “I was with some of my Delta Phi sisters, and we started talking about vaccines,” Chargois said. “I was so horrified to learn this one girl in Delta Phi got the Johnson & Johnson vaccine. I mean, how am I supposed to feel safe around her? I don’t even care if the vaccine works just as well as Moderna and Pfizer. Everyone knows it’s basically the Great Value version. What does it say about her? About Delta Phi?”

Current members of all sororities expressed almost unanimous support for the addition of the question. “I know it might seem classist, but it’s for the best,” Zeta Rho sophomore Elizabeth Carpenter said. “We can’t have girls that got the good vaccines being represented by the girls who just didn’t. I personally think it’s a stretch even letting Moderna through.”

According to the Texas A&M Panhellenic Executive Board, the question was be located in the “Personal Information” section of the application immediately following the question regarding parental income.

 

— Broken Reed Arena