‘Yeah, I Saw Them Before They Got Big’ Brags Student Subjected To Shouting Evangelicals
While visiting with his friends from out of state this week, junior Lennon Ruiz reportedly bragged about having seen Sister Cindy and Brother Jed plenty of times on campus at Texas A&M during his freshman and sophomore year, long before they had established their TikTok of over 200,000 followers and counting.
“Yeah, I saw them before they got big,” Ruiz said. “They didn’t have social media back then. You just had to hear about when Jedfest was happening through word of mouth.”
Ruiz commented on the growing numbers of new fans and followers that have come out to see the duo perform since their rise to internet fame. “I was literally front row at the Academic Plaza when she debuted the ‘Be a Ho No Mo’ speech. I bet half of the people crowding around Sister Cindy today don’t even remember that absolute classic.”
According to Ruiz, the couple’s growing popularity has since had a damaging effect on their newer content and performances. “I’m personally not a fan of their new cheesy meme-based subject matter. The ‘WAP’ references they’ve been incorporating lately are a total sellout move. They’re adopting pop culture for attention, and I see right through it.”
Ruiz has decided he will forgo attending any future Sister Cindy and Brother Jed events. He claims that too many of those who show up to see them these days are posers and that it is embarrassing to potentially be associated with people who found out about them through TikTok.
“My enjoyment of them was always ironic anyway,” said Ruiz. “Not like I actually respect or care about these people.”
— Squat Pilgrim
Look, you didn’t ask for your roommate to be the buffest guy in the hall. You’re not opposed to staying fit, but if we’re being honest, you have no idea what this guy is up to most of the time. He’s always drinking brightly colored concoctions, going on about PRs, and blasting the worst music you’ve ever heard while he takes mirror pic after mirror pic. You can’t deny it though: the dude’s got some thighs. Some thick, thunderous, meaty thighs. Sometimes you wonder if it’s really jealousy you’re feeling or if it’s… something else. Never mind.