Slobbering Idiot First Line of Defense Against Deadly Virus
Reports indicate that the idiot you saw slobbering into a vial in Rudder Plaza is actually the first line of defense against the deadly virus known as COVID-19. Despite the humiliating position he was situated in, research shows that he provided a valuable service by getting tested.
After being exposed to the coronavirus by a roommate’s girlfriend, the dunce traveled to a Texas A&M testing site in order to determine if he was infected with the dangerous illness. The drooling idiot spent five minutes trying to produce enough spittle to meet the requirements of the testing program, an amount that was much more spit than expected.
After slobbering all over his hands and mask, the drooling moron dropped his vial of spit into a bin. He walked away, wet and humiliated, but has proven instrumental in fighting the spread of COVID-19 in the Bryan-College Station community.
— Ring Chunks
No, Ring Chunks is feeling fine, really. Yeah, it was a long journey to the bottom of the pitcher, but she knew that coming into her dunk. That’s why she made sure to let it sit overnight and pick a light beer she didn’t care for and – oh. Oh no. Um, okay, let’s just move her here to the trash can – wait, why is it full? Oh God, Ring Chunks, just keep it together until we can reach the toilet – NO! NOT IN THE KITCHEN SINK!