Corps of Cadets to Add ‘Mom’ to Commandant’s Staff
Earlier today, the Commandant of the Corps of Cadets, General Joe Ramirez, announced that he has added ‘Mom’ as a new addition to his Commandant’s staff. Ramirez cited numerous Facebook groups and activity among the mothers of freshman cadets to justify this new position.
“The mothers on Facebook have been a tremendous source of progress and change for us here in the Corps of Cadets,” Ramirez said. “Hell, we already do everything they tell us to, so why not give them a position on my staff?”
“All of these changes have ensured the new freshmen will not have to face any adversity and will keep our Corps numbers strong!” said Mom, writing out a plan to rid the Corps of fish cuts and fish spurs. Initial changes that Mom has brought to the Corps in 2020 include no running, no fish dress for FOW, no greeting in the hallway, no meal time instruction, and a plan to cancel Corps brass.
“Freshman year in the Corps is just far too challenging and unacceptable for my baby boy,” Mom said. “I hope by the fall of next year we can rid ourselves of a traditional fish year in the Corps altogether and just give our children the immediate gratification of completing a hard year!”
“When I became Commandant, I wanted to restore the Corps to its former glory,” Ramirez said. “Introducing this new position to my staff will enable me to dodge any blame for future changes to our great Corps.”
— Hiss and Tell
After finally plucking up the courage to ask that cutie to be his date to the football game, Hiss and Tell carefully pops a few mints into his mouth after an Aggie touchdown. He sniffs his armpits a few times, nervously turns to face his date, closes his eyes, and leans in to mug down. Sure, to the unwitting viewer it might look like someone is making out with a 4.78-meter long reticulated python, but to Hiss and Tell? Well, this is the start of a beautiful love story.