You Won’t Believe Who Isn’t Following the Shelter-in-Place Order!
1. Your roommate’s boyfriend
2. Your other roommate’s boyfriend
3. Your other roommate’s other boyfriend
4. Your landlord
5. Your roommate’s mom
6. Your roommate’s entire family
7. Your most vulnerable family member
Wow, who knew “netflix and chill” was considered an essential activity?
— Heldenfalls
Once an average student eons ago, Heldenfalls committed some unknown sin against the Aggie gods and has since been burdened with a strange punishment: She is forced to carry her backpack to the top of the infamous Heldenfels stairs only to fall back to the bottom again over and over for all eternity. Though this may seem like a horrible fate, the philosophy department argues that Heldenfalls’ endless task represents the absurd heroism of the human condition. Each atom of that backpack, each mineral flake of those concrete stairs, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a woman’s heart. One must imagine Heldenfalls happy.