Displaced Cadet Finds Fulfillment in Hazing Little Brother
Last Wednesday, Logan McDaniel, a sophomore cadet from Company Z-1, was seen bragging in his buddy class GroupMe that he hazed his little brother for crying while watching the movie “Up.”
Sources said that McDaniel forced his little brother to drink a half-gallon of milk and then run up and down a hill in their neighborhood for two hours. “My little brother is just so soft,” McDaniel said when asked about his actions. “He’s such a little bitch.”
As many cadets have decided to move back home for the remainder of the semester, they are left with little structure and no outlet for their typical activities. McDaniel told The Mugdown that, in addition to hazing his brother, he has used his extra time to stay in shape. “I go on a run every day with a LEGO in my shoe just to make sure I stay hard,” McDaniel said.
Although the Corps of Cadets no longer holds the authority to charge McDaniel on the basis of hazing, reports indicate that his mom has disciplined him by forcing him to participate in family game night.
— Century Pee
You may think you know what it means to be hydrated, but no one takes water balance more seriously than Century Pee. No need for diuretics, this girl moves through fluids faster than a freshman Q drops CHEM 111. Century Pee usually lumbers more slowly than Mother Time, but when she feels the urge to go, she can move at the speed of light. Century Pee has been known to collect empty water bottles around campus, but rumor has it she doesn’t use them as spitters. Her kidneys are working overtime at minimum wage, so if you are taking a seat she has recently vacated, be sure and check first for a puddle.