Corps of Cadets Receives National Leadership Award
General Joe Ramirez, Commandant of the Corps of Cadets, accepted a new leadership award from the American Leadership Board on behalf of the Corps yesterday afternoon. The award was recently created to applaud institutes that educate students on effective leadership styles. The Corps was bestowed the “Education of Extortion Achievement” award for successfully using manipulation tactics to cultivate leadership.
“I am very pleased to accept this award,” General Ramirez said. “We have earned this as a result of the intentional efforts of my leadership team. We take great strides to teach our Cadets to lead effectively.”
The accolade commended many of the practices commonplace within the Corps for strengthening the culture of coercion. “This environment is built from the top,” General Ramirez said. “We recruit ex-drill instructors with either alcohol problems, divorces, or both. They are an easily controlled group. Additionally, we usually choose Cadets with military contracts for key leadership positions. That way it is easy to hold something over their head should they try to act out.”
“With the primary faces of leadership subject to manipulation, other leaders quickly follow suit. Cadets will not do anything unless there is a threat of getting a restricted weekend. Sure, they might not be happy, but they do what we want, and that is the point of leadership,” concluded Ramirez.
—Hazed and Confused
Alright, alright, alright. You may think the frat daddy that always sits in the back of your math classes with a blank look on his face is just a hungover idiot. Well, you’re wrong. After going through both fraternity AND corps hazing, this soldier deserves your appreciation. Next time you’re in class taking an exam and covering your paper so he can’t cheat from behind you, give him a little peek. If he fails this class, that means another 100 burpees from his pisshead.