Howdy,

CONGRATULATIONS!

Director Staff has selected you to be a part of Fish Camp 2020 Staff as a Chairperson! This is a huge accomplishment. Go ahead and take a deep breath and enjoy this moment. This is going to be one of the most degrading and exhausting years of your life. There will be highs and there will be lows (mostly lows), but The Mugdown has full faith that you are absolutely not ready to take every bit of it on. Throughout the chair selection process you have proven that you have the social media clout, bank account balance, and social climbing ability necessary to get the job done.

We hope you are as excited for the journey ahead as we are, and we cannot wait to start working together for Fish Camp 2020. We have put together a FAQ guide for your benefit and ease throughout your year as a chair. It will be a tough journey, so get ready for those evals and review boards, PEOPLE!

Want your own vision?

• Make sure it isn’t diverse. Parents will be annoyed that people at this university don’t identify completely with the Christian Bubble values that everyone in Fish Camp upholds.

Looking for that perfect partner?

• Make sure to go off of social status completely. If they are not in the same tier as you socially, make sure you anti-pref them! We don’t need camps showing the actual diverse population of students and organizations the university has to offer. 

Don’t want your counselors to date? 

• Make sure to label yourselves as a “family camp” so that any feelings towards each other will be viewed as incestuous. (This will solidify us in the same mold of all SEC schools; incest is best!)

Hate your partner?

• Open communication is so important, so make sure to vent about it to all of your counselors so they’ll take your side when camp breaks down!

Don’t want to read apps?

• That’s okay, social media exists for a reason! If the applicant doesn’t have at least 2000 followers then they’re not for you. (Better luck finding a role in T-camp!)

Want a third year?

• The less effort in their app, the better they’ll be! They have to save all their energy to do your job when camp falls apart. Make sure to set more money aside for their gift, too! Review must have been really hard for them. 

Want to do new skits?

• Too bad! You’re required to keep doing remakes of the 90s SNL sketches that existed before you and your freshmen were even born. Better pick out your former cheerleaders and semi-attractive athletic dudes for counselor first because a washed–up version of Spartan Yell isn’t going to perform itself! Aggie spirit!

Can’t decide on a shirt idea?

• FIGURE THAT OUT. FRESHMEN REMEMBER THESE MORE THAN ANY OTHER ASPECT OF CAMP. How else are they supposed to recognize their counselors that they haven’t seen since Lakeview?

Can’t afford to pay for crafts?

• Honestly, you should probably just drop now. If you can’t prove your love to your counselors through a series of cheaply made picture crafts that end up costing you hundreds of dollars, you definitely can’t welcome the freshmen into this university. Either take out another student loan or get out while you still can. 

Scared about continuity existing?

• Make sure to have your APP the night you get back from camp! Getting drinking out of the way the first night after camp will ensure that your counselors will be freshmen-focused from here on out. APPs are just a bandaid your camp has to pull off – we all know the purpose of Fish Camp isn’t to find people to party with. 

Nervous about your counselors getting chair?

• Apply to D-Staff and host a mock group process before the actual event happens! There’s no way they won’t make it through after that (if you have anything to say about it). After all, “Nepotism” is Fish Camp’s eighth core value! 

We hope this answers all of your questions about this upcoming year. No matter how hard this year is, keep in mind that nobody is going to remember your camp in three years. 

As with every meeting (which is essentially put into an email with the exact same information a day later), we will end this on our vision statement (much like the Pledge of Allegiance, you’ll learn to repeat these words but place absolutely no value in them):

An Aggie Family Supporting All Freshmen (…sometimes). 

 

—Wehner Dog & Dead Pullout Society