High School Athlete Commits
Earlier this week, Jake Hipscomb, a four-star linebacker out of Plano High School, announced that he will commit. His commitment has been much anticipated by his coaches, teachers, parents, and girlfriend.
After neglecting his school work and relationships for three years, Hipscomb reported that he would reveal his commitments this Friday. In an image posted to his Twitter account, Hipscomb included the following: “These are my top 5 in no order….Mom, Geography, Girlfriend, Brother, English IV…. PLEASE RESPECT MY DECISION!!”
“I am ecstatic to finally see Jake make his decision,” said Hipscomb’s on- and off-again girlfriend of three years. “He has grown tremendously over these past few years and will excel in whatever he commits to.
“I don’t understand the excitement surrounding this announcement,” said Jake’s former chemistry teacher. “Jake told me that he would ‘commit’ to learning Lewis Structures, yet he quickly broke his word and dozed off every class period.”
Anticipation of Hipscomb’s Twitter announcement will be at an all-time high this Friday as many anxiously await to see what he will commit to and how long that commitment will last.
—Longboard of Regents
You know that douchebag that rides his longboard in the “No Bike Zone” between the Memorial Student Center and Rudder? Yeah, that’s our Longboard of Regents. When he actually shows up to meetings, you can count on him to sit in the back and Juul with his head drooping to the side as he tries not to fall asleep.