Wayward Student Saved by Sidewalk Chalk

Clayre Tumson, a strong believer in the pro-choice movement, had her mind changed this week thanks to the hard work and dedication of campus sidewalk artists. While walking through Academic Plaza and contemplating her morally bankrupt views, Tumson encountered a message scrawled in chalk reading “save the unborn” with a crudely drawn infant hand-print immediately beneath the text. Moved by the beautiful sidewalk calligraphy, Tumson immediately became a supporter of the pro-life cause.

“It just really spoke to me on a personal level,” Tumson said. “It turns out the bright pink chalk was all I needed for the words to really sink in.” Tumson appears to have experienced a complete and utter conversion and was found at the time of the interview scrawling Bible verses across Military Walk.

Tumson is only the latest in a long line of conversions at the hands of local guerrilla chalkers. The number of converts has risen after the group abandoned the “Fire-and-Brimstone” approach to sidewalk evangelism. After receiving backlash from the full-color depiction of Sodom and Gomorrah they illustrated across the Quad, it was decided that a more delicate approach was needed. The group then switched to pastel-colored chalks and shortly thereafter deserted the message of damnation.

The Mugdown interviewed a member of The Church of Chalk who wished to remain anonymous. “With its ranks growing daily, The Church of Chalk continues to spread its vivid, powdery gospel across campus,” said the unnamed member. “Students of all beliefs have expressed thanks for the elegantly inescapable affirmations that they receive each day.”

The unnamed member continued to discuss his occasional disappointment when secular statements such as “You can do it!” or “BTHO Finals!” are caught encroaching on the Church’s territory. “Luckily these worldly views carry far less meaning than the true and righteous wisdom of our pavement preachers,” he said.

 

—Hullabaloo Balls