What My Editors DON’T Want Me to Publish!
The Mugdown is known across the globe for our dedication to publishing accurate, hard-hitting stories, no matter the content. However, there are still a few things we won’t put in this fine paper. Through much labor and personal risk, I have brought a few of these things to print.
The “First F-Word”
I don’t want to publish this, and every editor said there’s no way they’d let this one slip into an article. I mean, why would we use it anyways?
The “Other F-Word”
Same idea here. I respect their commitment to not publishing slurs.
My Finance Tip Article
This was a nice clickbait idea. Basically, it was called “Four Stock Tips Finance Majors DON’T Want You to See” and it would have been stock photos of penis tips. Funny, right? But The Mugdown stands by its commitment not to publish nudity.
The Names of Our Writers
Despite asking nicely, no one consented to letting me use their name. But my editors said we could publish one name: Hannah. Frankly, she’s had this coming.
The Koldus Room We Meet in at Eight Every Tuesday
That’d be a mess! Looky-loos could walk by and see what we’re working on before it’s released. Thankfully we meet far enough away from the entrance that no one really notices us.
—12th Man Card
12th Man Card is consistently losing his manhood, whether that be by skipping “Saturdays Are for the Boys” parties, drinking Michelob Lime Cactus or holding his girlfriend’s purse during football games. 12th Man Card is willing to sacrifice his manliness for love, leaving him with a constant turnstile of love interests that never seem to satisfy his romantic needs.