Crafty Professor Calls Tests “Celebrations of Knowledge”
Dr. Erik Pavelka, professor for one section of Modern Physics at Texas A&M University, has purged the terms “test” and “exam” from his vocabulary, choosing instead to use “celebration of knowledge”. Thanks to Pavelka’s beaming positivity, students of his class are unusually optimistic about their upcoming final examination.
Students claim that referring to their tests in this calming manner motivates them with hope in place of the usual terror. This hope remains right up until the tests are passed out, as Pavelka’s deliberate choice of words alleviates the actual pain of failure an almost undetectable amount.
The Mugdown reached out to Pavelka to obtain a comment on his groundbreaking teaching methods and the impact they are having on his students. “I am very funny,” said Pavelka.
Both Pavelka and his students, in defiance of their positive mindset, are utterly unprepared for what will become a historically low test average.
—Bacon & Ags
It’s Sunday morning and you’ve woken up hungover and confused. “Man, last night’s house party was one for the books,” you think as you try and recall something, anything, about the party. The smell of bacon floats in from the kitchen, and you stumble over to see who’s cooking. You stand there in bewilderment— Bacon & Ags has cleaned up all of the empty bottles, cans, and Solo cups. He has cinnamon rolls warming in the oven, bacon on the stovetop, and an assortment of fruits on the table. You stutter, “Wow… I… uh… well,” but he cuts you off. “I just love a good brunch,” he says. “And since you threw such a great party, I thought the least I could do was clean it up and cook us some brunch! Here, I made some quiche— have some!”