“He Must Be Busy With Schoolwork,” Says Grandma, Waiting for You to Call
Reports suggest your grandmother, who loved and cared for you unconditionally throughout your young life, has spent much of the last few weeks excusing your failure to call her. “He must be busy with schoolwork,” she told Mugdown staff as she folded clothes Tuesday evening. “Texas A&M is a tough school, so I bet he has his hands full.”
These comments come in stark contrast to the surplus of free time you have had to call your grandmother that you instead chose to spend binging Brooklyn Nine-Nine and scrolling through Twitter, engaging in meaningless activities that will never provide you the genuine warmth and affection she would so freely give to you.
“If he’s anything like his grandfather, he’s probably running around with some girl,” your grandma continued, reaching for a TV remote to change the channel in time for Wheel of Fortune. “At his age, who knows what he’s up to. I can’t blame him for not wanting to waste time talking to some old bitty like me.”
After her shows were over, sources indicate your grandmother checked her phone for missed calls, found none and went to bed.
—Hullakazoo
If you have ever attended Midnight Yell, you have unknowingly seen Hullakazoo. He marches in amongst the band wearing a Walmart army man Halloween costume whilst blasting his shrill kazoo into the midnight sky over Aggieland. You may hear his kazoo echoing down the halls of Evans library late at night, but you will never find him. Thankfully we are the only ones who could corner him and got him to join us and say some funny stuff every so often. The kazoo playing is really starting to bug us though.