BREAKING: 12th Man Pass Plague Ravages A&M Campus
A recent plague has struck Aggieland at an alarming rate. Following the Aggies’ loss to Clemson, many students have been noticing an outbreak of Sports Pass For Sale Disease, commonly known as SPFSD. While cases are to be expected when approaching the end of October, this year’s strain has become viral as early as September. Beutal Health Center has released a message providing student’s with prevention methods in order to avoid catching SPFSD.
Student Health Services
Texas A&M University
A.P. Beutel Health Center
shs.tamu.edu
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Beutel Health Clinic, 12:44 PM
It has come to our attention that SPFSD has become active sooner than usual this year. All students are urged to avoid the use of the following:
TAMU Sports Passes For Sale
TAMU Sports Passes (Buy, Sell, Trade)
POLS 207 GroupMe from 2016
Texas A&M Free and For Sale
We thank you for your cooperation.
If you experience any symptoms of SPFSD, see a health professional immediately.
Student Health Services provides this medical warning note in accordance with Student Rule 7, Attendance. Those who are already infected with SPFSD are encouraged to skip class.
Aggie Honor Code
An Aggie does elaborate, collaborate, and borrow.
The Texas A&M Athletic Department has already committed $75 million dollars towards research in hopes of finding a cure for SPFSD. If you would like to join the cause and help put an end to SPFSD, call 979-MUGDOWN today.
—Longboard of Regents
You know that douchebag that rides his longboard in the “No Bike Zone” between the Memorial Student Center and Rudder? Yeah, that’s our Longboard of Regents. When he actually shows up to meetings, you can count on him to sit in the back and Juul with his head drooping to the side as he tries not to fall asleep.