The Marooner’s Map
Late one night, we snuck into the forbidden section of the Cushing Memorial Library. In there. we found a staggering amount of scandalous items. Preserved neatly were about 30 KKK robes, the constitution of the True Texans/ the Stikas, and the recipe to Sbisa’s cookies.
But, there was one thing we saw that we could not leave behind. Buried beneath a dusty pile of counterfeit aggie rings was an ancient looking piece of parchment paper. It read “Mssrs. Sully, Pinky, Rudder, & Crow are proud to present The Marooner’s Map.”
Intrigued we held it up to the light only for it to reveal the lines:
“Mr. Sully presents his compliments to the Mugdown and begs them to keep their abnormally dull humor out of other Aggies’ business.”
“Mr. Crow agrees with Mr. Sully and would like to add that the Mugdown is a bunch of ugly two-percenters.”
“Mr. Rudder would like to register his astonishment that a group of idiots like that ever became journalists.”
“Mr. Pinky bids the Mugdown good day and advises them to wash their hair, the t-sips.”
After a full 23 pages worth of similar insults, one author spoke up: “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good bull.”
And with that, the page wrote out all its secrets of the Texas A&M campus.
-Honey Bear
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This post is the fifth in a series. This week The Mugdown is celebrating Harry Potter Week in support of the undefeated Texas A&M Quidditch Team as they prepare for the Quidditch World Cup this upcoming weekend.
Other Harry Potter Week Articles:
Student Fulfills Quest to Become Johnny Football for a Day
Student Wildly Misunderstood About OWLs
On-Campus Dorms to be Sorted into Houses
The Sorting of Johnny Manziel
Is the name ironic? Maybe. Maybe not. Honestly, he’s been called that for longer than anyone has known him. He’s a sociopath and we don’t like talking with him very much. So when the man says he’s called Honey Bear, we make damn sure to call him Honey Bear. He gets his articles turned in on time though, so we keep him around.