Callaway House to Evict Non-Greek Residents
The Callaway House has announced that all non-Greek residents will be evicted at the end of March in order to free up spaces for fraternity and sorority members that have been living in less-than-ideal communities.
The 30-day eviction notices were delivered at the end of Spring Rush, which was offered as a last-ditch effort for panhellenic organizations to meet their recruitment quotas and for less desirable Potential New Members (PNMs) to find their new home away from home.
“Residents have had more than enough time to worm their way into even a second-tier panhellenic organization,” said Eric Rowlett, the general manager of the popular off-campus housing complex. “We understand this may be upsetting to some, but we are excited to improve upon our already stellar community of residents.”
The eviction policy was outlined in the lease, a binding legal document that college students often neglect to read. The clause was apparently located underneath the paragraph banning underage drinking on the property. When asked about the legality of such an action, Rowlett said, “Callaway House certainly prohibits discrimination on the basis of race, color, national/ethnic origin, religion, sex, disability, age, sexual orientation, and veteran status. There is no such provision protecting non-Greek residents.”
When asked for comment, Katie Lepetska, a freshman resident and member of Zeta Lambda, agreed with management’s decision. “Non-Greek residents just can’t understand our traditions, and they totally bring down the mood sometimes,” said Lepetska.
Not all residents are pleased with the decision, however. Several displaced residents expressed sadness or frustration about the abrupt decision, some even going so far as to beg their Greek friends to advocate on their behalf. “I thought my roommates and I were really starting to become friends,” said Sarah Lutner, a sophomore English major. “I guess I’m gonna have to couch surf for a while.”
Gabe McDaniel, a freshman business major who received his eviction notice Tuesday, said he understood the tough decision. “I had hoped that joining Ol’ Ags would spare me, but I guess I can look into living at Berkeley House or Sterling Northgate. It sucks, though, because I was just getting used to the thumping bass and regular vandalism.”
—Heldenfalls
Once an average student eons ago, Heldenfalls committed some unknown sin against the Aggie gods and has since been burdened with a strange punishment: She is forced to carry her backpack to the top of the infamous Heldenfels stairs only to fall back to the bottom again over and over for all eternity. Though this may seem like a horrible fate, the philosophy department argues that Heldenfalls’ endless task represents the absurd heroism of the human condition. Each atom of that backpack, each mineral flake of those concrete stairs, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a woman’s heart. One must imagine Heldenfalls happy.