Aggies to Compete in Victimhood Olympics

To showcase a tremendous pool of talent, Texas A&M will be hosting its first “Victimhood Olympics” to commemorate the spring semester.  The vast pool of student’s claiming to have it the “worst” are finally able to prove they need the most sympathy from their peers. The Student Recreation Center has released a series of events to determine which students truly have it the worst.

The following four events will award points to the top scoring students in each event to determine their levels of victimhood:

Speed Sleeping: Participants will compete against one another to see who functions with the least amount of sleep. The student able to function with the least amount of sleep will be named the victor. This event will judged from Monday until Thursday.

“Figure” Skating: Many students complain that they are shamed for being too fat or too thin. Competitors will rollerblade across Rudder Plaza in front of a panel of judges who will critique their physical appearance. The student who undergoes the most verbal barrage and is still able to skate will receive the highest score. This event will be held on Monday afternoon, following the opening ceremony.

Cross Campus Classes: Students are constantly whining about the difficulties they face getting to and around campus. Students will be timed through their choice of Tuesday or Wednesday routine, to see which students have the hardest trek each day. The two-part event will include the obstacles in getting to campus from home, before measuring the difficulty of moving from the parking space to the actual classrooms for that day. Routes spanning from Lot 100 to Main Campus before heading back to West Campus seem to be the most competitive.

Schedule Combined: The rigors of both the work and academic schedule are combined for this event. Students often complain about the difficulty they face on a daily basis with getting their necessary work done. Students will be judged on how difficult they can make their schedule seem to others, rather than the actual measurement of their work hours or course load. This event will take place on Thursday and will be the final event before the closing ceremony on Friday.

Interested students have time to prepare for the games starting the week of Monday, Feb. 26, following the close of the Winter Olympics. The Rec hopes these events will grow students’ interest and participation in the physical activities they fund with their student fees.

 

– Netflix and Drill