“How About That New Coach?” Asks Dad Desperate to Connect With Son

Having spent the last ten minutes in his office struggling to carry on a conversation with his youngest child over the phone, Houston-area father Walter Beyer asked about Texas A&M’s new head football coach in a desperate attempt to connect with his son, Kevin Beyer, in College Station.

“How about that new head coach?” said the elder Beyer on Tuesday morning, frantically searching for something he and his son have in common. “You think Jimbo’s the right guy for us?”

Kevin Beyer, who has spent his college career downplaying his overwhelming stress and the emotional distance between him and his family, half-heartedly feigned interest despite having no opinion of Texas A&M’s hiring of Florida State coach Jimbo Fisher. “He seems pretty good, I guess,” said Kevin Beyer.

Possessing only a passing interest in Fisher’s unprecedented career move himself, the elder Beyer persisted in steering the conversation toward Fisher’s massive contract. Beyer reportedly did so while staring at an old photo on his desk of nine-year-old Kevin flashing a big grin and “Gig ‘em” sign before the Aggies’ game against Louisiana Tech in 2006.

Upon quietly realizing that the boy he remembers carrying down the old Kyle Field ramps on his shoulders had little investment in the hire, Beyer paused before changing the subject again. Sources suggest that the father and son spent another ten minutes shuffling through vapid conversation topics before both parties hung up, sighed, and went about the rest of their day.

 

—Hullakazoo