Man Whose House Is Cleanest It’s Ever Been Assures Guests That It’s Usually Cleaner

Robert Browning, who only minutes ago had been aggressively scrubbing at a stain in the carpet, apologized to his friends for his train wreck of a living room. As he welcomed his guests into his home, he stood with his hands on his hips and shook his head in shame.

“I am embarrassed that I didn’t get a chance to clean things up before you all arrived. I promise, it’s usually much tidier than this,” said Browning, lamenting that the current state of his living room was not up to his standards. As his friends took a seat on the couch, he discreetly pushed his vacuum back into the closet, where it would remain until hours before the next time guests arrive, months in the future.

Upon hearing that his residence would be the meeting location for several of his friends this evening, Browning cleared his schedule for the day and set out to do emergency cleaning. Addressing the months old pile of dirty dishes on the coffee table, collection of fast food cups on the end table, and trash covering the floor, Robert did what he could to make it appear that human beings lived in the house.

“Man, I am so sorry for how dirty it is right now,” said Browning repeatedly throughout the night regarding his surprisingly clean kitchen area. “It’s usually so much cleaner in here. I’ve had such a hectic week, so if you would have come any other time my house would have been in much better shape.” Browning’s counters had never been, and likely never will be, so clean in his entire time living at the house.

 

—InterYellar