Kyle Field Opens as Lot 100 Overflow Parking
As the semester gets underway, Texas A&M University students with Lot 100 parking passes are facing the annual challenge of finding available parking spaces. Many students report spending over an hour searching for an available spot in Lot 100 due to the time-honored tradition of parking passes being oversold.
“I camped out in Lot 100 for a week so I wouldn’t miss the first day of class,” said student Martha Marsden. “It was like a really lame revival of camping out for ticket pull.”
“I found a girl walking out of class, followed her to her car and held her at gunpoint until she gave me her spot,” said a student who wished to remain anonymous.
“I conceived and gave birth in my car while searching for parking in Lot 100,” said student Kylene Perez.
When asked for comment on the difficult parking situation, Texas A&M University Transportation Services said, “We didn’t think this many students would actually go to their classes. What a bunch of nerds!”
To mitigate the congestion, Transportation Services has temporarily opened Kyle Field as an extension of Lot 100. Students possessing a Lot 100 parking pass can park on the field as long as they move their cars by 11:59 PM the Friday before home football games, as the field will also be used for gameday parking.
— Ditzie Chicken
Ditzie Chicken is not a male-centered woman, she simply thinks men are the most interesting aspect of life. She must obsess over a boy at all times lest she rapidly descend into a pit of melancholia. Ditzie Chicken does not discriminate; she thinks all men are handsome, as long as they are blonde. Before spending time with friends, Ditzie makes a mental list of three potential conversational topics that have nothing to do with men so as not to annoy her companions with another pointless monologue about her favorite man of the week. In her free time, Ditzie enjoys thinking about dating, thinking about men and thinking about dating men. Despite what may be suggested by her personality, Ditzie Chicken has an IQ of over 180. In the future, she plans to work as a biomedical-aerospace-chemical engineer and, more importantly, get married.