Expedition Lost, Feared Dead, on ILCB Stairs
At 0200 this morning, base camp received one last terrifying transmission from the brave expedition scaling the stairway of the Innovative Learning Classroom Building.
The expedition consisted of agribusiness major Jareth Hillary, mechanical engineering major Braxton Messner and environmental sciences major Kimberly Hill. They set out three days ago with one goal in mind: to scale the unscalable, to be the first students to successfully summit the ILCB stairs and reach their classroom at the top.
The expedition comes after months of strenuous training at the Rec climbing wall and long treks up and down the stairs of Heldenfels.
“We understand the danger of this undertaking,” said Messner in a pre-expedition interview. “We did everything we could to be physically and, more importantly, mentally prepared to go where no Aggie has gone before.”
Each crew member was equipped with critical survival gear and a week’s worth of rations from the ILCB Marketplace.
“We had to balance packing essential supplies and traveling light,” said Hillary. “I packed only the necessities: a light sleeping bag, three canisters of oxygen, 20 cans of Celsius and a change of clothes.”
The expedition set off Monday morning with the support of a cheering crowd. Contact with the crew was sparse from the outset, but their health and safety were verified up until the most recent transmission.
Radio operators at base camp received the following harrowing message early this morning: “This is Hill to base camp. Our oxygen supply is running low. We can neither forge ahead nor turn back. I fear this is the end.”
During the transmission, Hill struggled to catch her breath and had to stop and start repeatedly. The ragged breathing of the other climbers could be heard in the background.
After multiple subsequent hours without further contact from the crew, a rescue mission is now underway.
Mission captain, Helen Derr, warns against any other such expeditions in the future. “The ILCB stairs have claimed many lives. I urge all to leave them unexplored due to the dangers they pose to human life. Just take the elevators; they fit quite a few people.”
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