Used and Abused: The Boom of Texas A&M University Prediction Markets
Prediction markets have been on the rise in recent years, with the most popular platforms expanding by nearly 500% in the last 12 months. Texas A&M University has seen an explosion in people using and abusing these websites for Aggie insider trading. Even the most respected figures on campus, such as Queen Rev herself, have been caught cashing in. It’s safe to say that her barking in your MATH 140 class earlier this week was no coincidence.
Originally introduced at Texas A&M as a resource for students to learn from collective knowledge, prediction markets have exploded in popularity for betting on student politics, scooter related injuries and the likelihood that President Ballabina will last more than two years.
Betting in these prediction markets has resulted in disturbing behavior across campus. There are reports of an over/under bet concerning the growth of black mold spores in campus housing. Campus authorities have apprehended multiple students attempting to influence the odds by cultivating their own spores in their dorms.
TAs are getting their piece of the pie, too. They have reportedly started a racketeering ring surrounding student pass/fail rates. Information is collected during exam study sessions, stats are drawn up and even professors are given the opportunity to put cash in the pot.
Experts have advised students to be mindful of their surroundings this semester. “You never know if an unlikely occurrence from your day could, with the right market manipulation, be worth your tuition,” said Dr. Mason Ruiz, professor of economics.
That being said, we at The Mugdown would like to say “Gig ’em,” “Howdy,” “Daddy Welsh” and “Administration.”
– Boot in My Mouth & Stephen Ring
Stephen Ring does not merely write psychologically thrilling satire, he lives it every day. Ring’s life is characterized by uncanny, paranormal and shuddersome happenings both on and off campus. For example, when Ring once spent twelve hours straight writing satire in Evans Library, each of his twelve fingers spontaneously turned into an Olive Garden breadstick before falling off and rolling down the stairs into the Starbucks line. Ring swears that once, while driving down Texas Avenue on a foggy night, a stampede of the ghosts of all nine Reveilles past were led in front of his car by the partially blind Rev X. Rev X spoke to him telepathically, imparting the cryptic message “My third eye sees that The Mugdown is the greatest student organization to ever come out of Texas A&M University.” Stephen Ring gained his two extra fingers when a Yell Leader granted him a special wish. Ring wished to have twelve fingers to be able to wear twelve Aggie rings at all times because he believed they would ward off evil spirits.