10 Easy Ways to Introduce Yourself to Your Hot Neighbor (100% Success Rate)
Do you desire a boy-next-door situation and find yourself with a hot neighbor perfect for the job, yet you still don’t know how to introduce yourself? Here are some foolproof ways to meet him ranked from least to most effective.
- “Hi! I’m…”
Simple and straightforward, just knock on his door. However, it’s a bit unoriginal. Your hot neighbor probably gets this a lot, so it helps to mix it up a bit (see following options).
- Hit his car.
Not enough to total it – just enough to set up the perfect meet-cute collision. Next thing you know, you’re exchanging names, phone numbers and insurance information.
- Become a door dash driver and wait for him to order food.
Play the long game. With patience and dedication, you wait for your opportunity.
- Ask to borrow his ladder.
All men have ladders, so this is a good option for any situation. It reminds him how short and petite you are and that you need a man’s help to complete daily tasks, therefore establishing his value. It also gives you a reason to go back (“Thanks for the ladder!”).
- Join his gym.
Carefully sync your workout schedule with his until you’re both regulars at the same time. One day, you’re going for a squat PR with no spot, and as your legs give out, he will be there to rescue the damsel in distress.
- Go for a run only circling your block.
This option is similar to joining his gym but more cost-effective. It increases the chances he sees you on your run and shows him that you’re fit and cool.
- Change your major to his.
This one is a bit more of a commitment, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
- Become a Jehovah’s Witness.
Now you have an excuse to knock on his door, surprising him with pamphlets and unwavering eye contact.
- Throw a brick with a threat through his window and go over when the police arrive to ask what’s going on.
High risk, high reward. You arrive on the scene as an innocent bystander: “Oh my gosh! Is everything okay?” Now, you’re involved. You’re concerned. You’re memorable.
- Set his house on fire.
He’ll have to come out of the house, and there you are, standing there, angelic, ready to help him rise from the ashes: his savior.
— Five Nights at Fuegos

Five Nights at Fuegos is a dirty, filthy pledge of The Mugdown, and has not earned their right to a bio yet. Check back next semester!
