Man Attends Three Formals in One Night
Kent James, a junior finance major, successfully attended three separate sorority formals in one night yesterday. James described the experience as “logistically impressive and incredibly ego-enhancing.”
James reportedly began his evening at 7:00 p.m., making strategic appearances at each event with carefully-timed exits and outfit adjustments. With the right attitude, James revealed it takes only two minutes to transform a wardrobe from a My Tie to a Mardi Gras theme.
“It was all about pacing,” said James. “You can’t go too hard at the first function. Hydration, flexibility and emotional detachment are key.”
Sources confirm James was seen giving identical compliments to his date at all three events, including, “This has been the best part of my week.”
Other reports say he threw up the wrong sorority hand sign during pictures, blaming it on the fact that both sororities have delta in their name.
There are reports of Ripley’s Believe It or Not being contacted to put the junior’s name in history books, but some skeptics have raised questions about the potential use of performance enhancing substances.
“It just seems like such an impossibility,” said one critic. “There had to be at least a few caffeine pills or a Red Bull with a shot of Five Hour Energy.”
— MS Pick Me & Bigger Justice
Yes, you’ve seen her. No, you don’t know her, but she definitely knows you. You can find MS Pick Me strategically positioning herself at the prime table spot in every coffee shop in College Station, rotating between them every 30 minutes to ensure seeing as many of her friends as possible. Yes, she is wearing head to toe Daily Drills and drives a baby blue Ford Bronco, but she is so incredibly humble about it! MS Pick Me is notorious for repeating the phrase “to piggyback off what the Professor said…” and mentioning her next meeting she has to run to when you never asked. She camps out in the MSC not to study, but to be seen studying, preferably within earshot of at least three different org members and one professor she can wave to. If life had participation trophies, MS Pick Me would have all of them.